“How politically incorrect to refer to ‘BIG’ girls as fat girls”!
All pun aside; I am learning to respect “BIG” girls in a brand-new way, hence my toned-down rhetoric over the last year or so where fat-shaming has virtually been eradicated from my writings.
In any case, plus-size women naturally face a conundrum in the dating marketplace, simply because they aren’t regarded as society’s idea of beauty.
Now, beauty is personal to each individual who’s judging what beauty means to him or her.
Beauty is subjective! It is truly to each his own. So I am not disregarding that at all!
However, the reality on the ground- in the dating-market place- is that the heavier you are, the more baggages you carry [no pun intended].
Plus-size women are by no means blind to this reality.
In the same breath, they are somewhat naïve to their perceived handicap in dating.
Earlier today, a plus-sizer, a distant acquaintance of mines on Facebook, posted a status about why guys on Facebook just see her as someone to “netflix and chill” with, rather than to wine and dine and take out.
I refrained from being blunt as possible on her post [that the reason for this is because she’s on the heavier side of things and guys don’t feel that they should invest as much], but I did chime in after another plus-sizer had commented about standards, and how big girls who have high standards should maintain those standards.
Here’s the screenshot.
Now- my argument was very simplistic without being blunt: Women should lower their standards and expectations in dating.
I stopped short of saying “fatties should lower their standards”, but realistically speaking, the more physical baggages [pounds] a woman has, the lower her standards should and must become if she wishes to get some play in the dating-market place!
Not to mention that the woman who had posted that status is plus-size, but has kids and is 43 years old.
Those are 3 strikes against a female when looking a suitable lover and potential long-term mate.
This isn’t news-fucking flash by the way!
A woman on the verge of infertility [menopause] does NOT and CANNOT wield the same influence in dating as a girl in her sexual prime!
The younger the woman, the more bargaining chips she can afford to play with, and the more leverage she wields in dating and mating.
Some women- a great portion of them- seem to turn a blind eye to this truth by wanting to believe that they can push their weight around and be demanding in the dating-marketplace, while having baggages in the form of children, age and pounds.
Plus-sizers and older women, fail to realize that their stock and market value will have depreciated and devalued over time: with age, and according to the pounds they pack on simultaneously as they age.
Big girls, though recognizing the disadvantages and devaluing of their market value, often choose to live in denial about this…though they know better.
Thanks to social media and thirsty men who don’t get laid, plus-size women can now take to the internet and live an alternate reality- a virtual reality- where they get validated all day long by such men, disingenuously being told how pretty they are, generating hundreds of likes on their lame-ass selfies and so forth.
With a hit off the validation pipe (the internet), big girls now feel that they are competitive enough in the dating world that they can make the same purchasing demands as women who are half their body size.
Every now and then, they receive a reality check once realizing that the vast majority of guys truly don’t desire a relationship with them, but just a “netflix and chill” 1-off encounter of anything.
This usually cuts the big girl down to size…or remove her from the high horse in which she had no business mounting in the first place.
Sure they are lots of guys who have a preference for big girls (even huge ones such as SSBBW’s). But on an innate level, no guy expects to have to fight arduously to snag a girl who’s entering the marketplace with weight issues.
To be frank, and I’m sorry to let the cat out the bag on how men think, the underlying reason why guys become chubby-chasers and go after heavies, included the guys who have a preference for big girls, is because they deem big girls easier catches.
Distasteful reality, but I had to break the news to you.
Most guys who chase big girls had only resorted to doing so out of scarcity, mild desperation, pent-up horniness, encouraged by the perception that the bigger the girl, the easier she must be.
Men, as slow as we are in comparison to women, very well know that big girls are lower down the marketplace-value chain than slim and thick women are.
Even the chubby-chaser are well aware of this truth…which is why they chase heavies in the first place (less marketplace value means easier buy)!
Whether we humans consciously see things this brash or not, dating and mating are equated to the sale and purchase of goods.
The closer the commodity reaches to its expiratory date, the more its marketplace value and price reduce.
The longer the item been on the shelf, its shelf life and value reduce.
Common day-to-day economics right there, to which the average consumer can relate.
In the area of dating, likewise, as the female ages and or packs on the pounds, the closer she gets to her expiratory date: whether that be menopause or expiration of life itself.
Nevertheless, the older she gets, the more value she loses in dating.
The amount of guys who would actually risk making that purchase still (as in to seriously date her) would have dwindled…unless it’s for a quick use.
What do I mean by “quick use”?
Instant pump and dump.
Likewise with the girl who’s been packing on the pounds, perhaps due to childbearing or hereditary factors; her purchasing value reduces as less guys would’ve been willing to take that gamble for a long-term investment.
Hence, of the guys who claim to be into big girls, the vast majority just wants to pump and dump and satisfy their sexual urges, while expending the least amount of resources (money and time) as possible on such a risky investment [big girls, and older girls]. So “Netflix and chill”, or some other low-investment proposal, is the most that the average Joe is willing to invest in a woman whom he deems to be a risky purchase (big and older women).
Now, let’s examine this on the other side of the spectrum.
Would the average guy solely shoot for “netflix and chill” with a younger and so-called hotter girl (according to societal’s standards)?
Of course not!
He would explore his options, ranging from a lavish date, shopping spree, to even a trip if the girl would only dare come along…all expenses paid…on him!
Why so? Because a younger and hotter (trimmer) girl would have been in high(er) demand in the dating marketplace!
Her value would have been out the roof!
She’s akin to the iPhone- whichever # they are up to now- fresh off the production line being shipped to retail outlets.
She’s likely to sell fast and at top price.
She can make outlandish demands because her value is congruent to her demands.
Being young- let’s say between the ages of 18-25 – trim or thick, and having no kids, she’s truly working with a monopolized hand.
Her demands will be met…and some!
As an overweight woman, withstanding the fact that you are childless and highly fertile in your early 20’s, you still cannot demand equal bargaining price as the women of smaller sizes…especially if they’re in shape!
As I touched on at the top of the article- fundamentally- women grasp this!
Big girls also understand this disparity and they cope with it for the most part!
Barring that, if a big girl wishes to maximize her buying power (and who wouldn’t❓ ), she has to rethink and think wisely!
She should quit trying to compete with the women who are out of her league, by expecting to snag hot athletes and musical icons!
I posted a status to Facebook the other day, which I was chided out for, by saying that big girls are the only ones posting photos of jocks and half-naked men bearing 6-pac abs, whom they will never get if they were the last women on Earth.
Quite harsh but real!
Big girls general drool over guys who are out of their league.
“Drooling”, and having real expectations of dating an NFL star athlete, are 2 different things.
We can all fantasize of our ideal type. But to expect this ideal type to be desirous of us, in spite of our baggages, is pure mental masturbation.
Men also face this problem.
You have guys who are intrinsically 5’s on the attraction scale, yet desiring women who are HB 10’s on the looks scale!
Take note that I specifically wrote “attraction scale” and not “looks scale” for men, because what makes a guy a 9 or 10, is neither his facial composition, height nor build, but his fashion sense, style, attitude, personality, lifestyle, hobbies, etc.
However, as a guy, you cannot fucking become a 10 while laying up at home 6 nights a week, munching Cheetos, watching South Park, no physical activity besides fetching the remote and booze, or commuting to and from work, no social life whatsoever!
That’s not a fucking 10! No matter how handsome you are as a man!
Your stock in the dating marketplace will not be as valuable as an ugly guy who has a life, hits the gym, stays fit, has a cool-fashion sense, dresses well, etc.
Therefore, with men, what determines our date-worthiness and fuck-worthiness, isn’t how handsome we are, but everything else from the inner core to our style.
For women, since men are looks-based (visually stimulated creatures), we judge a woman’s fuckability and date-ability on her looks.
The more good-looking she is; the more we’re willing to pay for the acquisition.
The hotter, younger and trimmer the girl on a looks-base system, the more power she wields, the more leverage she has, and the more willing men are to invest more capital and time in such a fertile commodity.
With all that being said, if a guy who’s a 5 or 6, wishes to date up, he needs to get his shit together, drop the potato-chips bag, get off the couch and go get a life!
If he’s a 5 or 6 and doesn’t wish to improve his lifestyle situation; then he needs to drop the fantasy of having a drop-dead stunner- an HB10- walking into his abode with lingerie on, ready to get ravaged by him!
It’s not gonna happen brodie!
You have to become a 10 [attitude and lifestyle wise] if you firstly want to date 10’s!
For big girls, it is easy for me to say, “Just lose 100 fucking pounds and you’re golden”!
Easier to say; but not realistic.
What is really feasible and doable though, is if she simply lowers her standards!
Just as I’d said in the screenshot at the top to my plus-size acquaintance, too many women are walking around with these high-ass standards and expectations when they don’t qualify!
You can’t expect a 10 when you’re a 4!
You can’t be grossly overweight and expect to snag a guy who’s a goddamn 10 (this is general advise BTW, and not directed at any specific big girl )!
It isn’t congruent to your marketplace value!
You cannot realistically want a guy who’s a 7, 8, 9 or 10, if and when you are borderline menopausal, have 1 or numerous kids and are overweight!
Your standards and expectations of men cannot be sky frikkin’ high!
That’s like me trying to convince someone to buy my old iPhone 3G for $500 USD!
The only way I could get it sold for that price, is if I hustle and swindle someone into buying it!
Do fat girls- I mean “big” girls- try to hustle and swindle guys into making a serious purchase, albeit a risky one?
Sure they do!
How about showing a little bit more cleavage than slim girls do in those selfies?
Some inducements, huh?
In any case, lowering one’s standards in order to find a potential mate, shouldn’t be an undignified blow to anyone’s self esteem.
Telling a girl that her standards in men are too high and she should rethink that strategy, is akin to fighting words nowadays…for most women.
However, it is a wise strategy in my estimation. And most women who claim to be single (though truly single women don’t exist) are so, as products of their own high expectations in men, and high standards which don’t align with their dating-marketplace value.
If you’re a big girl, and can’t seem to find a jacked guy who’s built like an athlete, willing to take you on for more than just a 2-week fling; then just maybe dammit- your standards are too damn high! And that checklist needs to have fewer boxes!
Ever thought of that!?
Why not settle for the guy who’s a bit pudgy around the waist; who’s respectfully in your league but a tad bit higher?
If the verb “settle” doesn’t sit too well with you, why not “reconsider” the guys whom you’re putting yourself out there for?
Instead of futilely chasing after the 10’s, why not give the 7’s and 6’s a meaningful shot without putting up this bitch shield or titanium, sending guys running for the hills?