To Cuddle Or Not To Cuddle After Hooking Up


One of those under-talked about subjects in the pick-up and seduction world, is post-sex management strategies: like, “What you should do after sex”.

“To Cuddle or Not to Cuddle”?

Why is this topic so neglected?

Well- after all- having realized the aim of sleeping with the girl, would’ve been the most important goal on the seducer’s checklist.

Anything after sex will have been a mute point.

This is well understood. And to an extent: I agree.

However, if you’d like to have another go at it, or perhaps to make manifest a little fling situation between the girl and you, then what you do after sex becomes very crucial in the grand scheme of things.

“To Cuddle or Not to Cuddle”?

Should you cuddle after hooking up?

No!

It depends.

It depends on your ultimate or immediate aim.

If you care not to see this girl again- by all means- CUDDLE with her after shagging down!

Sounds really counter-intuitive [I know].

Coupled with your aim, is the girl’s aim(s) also. Does she want a prolonged fuck-buddy situation, or a 1-off?

If the girl does indeed want a 1-off, then cuddling after sex will not hurt anything in the future.

The trick is; you won’t exactly know with certainty what a girl truly wants in the long term.

For instance: you can’t exactly say to the girl before hooking up for the first time, “You want to just fuck or do you want something more serious”??

Why can’t you just ask her that?

You are likely to get the safest answer, the answer which makes her seem less slutty.

Which answer is that?

“I want something serious”.

The girl may very well desire just a 1-off. But because she doesn’t want to appear slutty, she’ll lie about her end-game goal.

With that being said, since it is difficult for the average guy to discern whether the girl wants a 1-off, fling or a relationship, he should approach every sexual encounter with a new girl as though it’s a 1-off.

Would you care to cuddle for 2 hours like love birds with a girl whom you knew for certain only wanted a 1-off?

Of course not.

The thing is also, even if the girl quite clearly stated to you (genuinely or not) that she does in fact want something serious, you should still approach the situation of sex (after sex) as though it was just a 1-off, hence there’s no real need to cuddle since you 2 will have had no further sexual contact in the future.

“To Cuddle or Not to Cuddle”?

Okay, so, why shouldn’t you cuddle after hooking up?

Doing so will have (sub)communicated to the girl that you want something serious.

Chances are: the girl doesn’t (no matter what she says of the contrary).

Hence, you’d rather err on the side of non-serious (no cuddling) than serious (cuddling).

If the girl truly wants something serious, she may very well think that you’re an insensitive prick for hauling your clothes on and leaving after sex. But she’s likely to state that at a later time. So there’s always a chance for you to correct that and cuddle somewhat (if the girl states her gripe with the fact that you don’t cuddle after sex).

Again- it’s safer to err on the side of no cuddle.

Here’s the deal: when you look to cuddle after sex with a girl whom you’d just hooked up with, it usually has a precarious way of sending the wrong message.

As a guy, you may very well think to yourself, “If I cuddle after cumming, she’ll think I’m humane, affectionate, loving, etc. and this will go a long way in furthering our fling, and I will have scored some brownie points too, in the event that she decides to hunt for a boyfriend”.

Sounds splendid!

However, this is what goes through the girl’s mind upon cuddling after hooking up:

“Oh no! He’s a clinger! He gets a little pussy and he now wants to behave as though we’re married. Oh fucks no! I have to get rid of him before he becomes unbearable”!

With that, the act of cuddling is perceived in 2 radically different ways by each party:

1.) The guy wants to falsely give the impression that he isn’t just some asshole looking to hook up

2.) The girl in turn gets royally turned off by mis(interpreting) the guy’s action of cuddling to mean clingy

The root of the problem is this: guys still believe that women desire good nice guys. So men falsely cultivate an image of “I’m the nice guy”, in hopes to impress the girl. Hence the reason men look to cuddle after hooking up.

Before getting post-sex management handled through trial and error over the years, I would always make the mistake of cuddling after hooking up, thinking that it would guarantee me a slot in the fuck-buddy runnings.

With every girl I meet and hook up with, I would lose her after the first bang (a 2nd lay rare as hell).

I couldn’t figure out what I was doing so wrong.

“Surely my sex game couldn’t have been that sucky”, I said to myself.

After coming to the realization that chicks just want to hook up first and foremost, and that women aren’t these angelic, saintly, benevolent creatures who need to be babied about the realities of the cold world, I no longer cuddled with girls whom I’d just met. Instead, upon blowing my load, I would get dress and look to leave.

By not cuddling, I was putting the girl’s fears to rest (and keeping them at bay), by indirectly reassuring her that I would not turn out to be some stage 5 clinger.

That’s pretty much what girls want, reassurance that they won’t have an emotional handful to deal with after hooking up with you.

Is there ever a case where cuddling would be absolutely acceptable?

Sure!

If she’s your girlfriend- by all means- cuddle the hell away!

However, if she’s a 1-off or a fuck-buddy, cuddling would’ve been counterproductive in that there’s a likelihood of chasing the girl away instead of keeping her around. And no the girl will not think you’re some insensitive asshole for getting up and leaving right after sex!

On that note, when faced with this juncture after you would’ve blown your load, devising some plausible reason as to why you have to leave ASAP!

Moreover, if you do find yourself in this precarious conundrum, where you aren’t able to keep a girl around after hooking up, then you might want to look at cuddling after sex as a possible culprit.

Why Women Get Clingy After Hooking Up

There are some chicks who are totally fine with hooking up- “hit it and quit it” style.

Then, there exist those who get all clingy in a genuine sense and a portion of those, just to save face.

I met a girl last week whom I end up hooking up with 2 nights ago.

Last night, she sends me this text message via Whatsapp messenger.

Her concern was that I hadn’t contacted her since hooking up nights ago.

She also kept bugging me about my non-responsiveness toward her messages last night. Therefore, I said to her [in the screenshot], I haven’t reached hom yet to charge my phone…because I told her that my phone was on its last batter which is why I hadn’t responded [that may be true or false].

Nevertheless, what bracket does she fits in:

A.) The girl who just wants to save face after hooking up by ‘PRETENDING’ to not want just a 1-off?

Or

B.) The girl who genuinely gets clingy after hooking up?

To be honest; it is too early to tell and I haven’t really dissected the variables.

What I have no patience for though, are women who get clingy after hooking up: whether her clinginess is feigned or genuine.

Couple with the fact that I do NOT mislead women into the belief or notion that I want more than just sex or more than a 1-off.

Likewise with this girl. When we first met, I stated clearly that I just want to fuck!

Now, not all cases you can be this direct with a new girl and still get her to concede to your desires.

However- with this girl- she apparently registered high on my proverbial DTF meter. So there was no need to beat around the bush.

Regardless of those factors and pre-managed expectations; girls are still liable to get all emotional and clingy…even after just wanting to hook up.

This brings further credence to the old-adages of pickup that:

* Women really don’t have a clue of what they want!

* You should never take at face value anything a woman says she wants.

In addition to that, my good buddies and fellow seductionists, Wayne Jordan and Dominic (Donny G) chimed in on the Facebook post with some pertinent points as to why girls will get clingy after hooking up.

Wayne’s point is from an evolutionary biology one. And it’s clear to see how and why it’s super valid on the subconscious level.

By all means, a girl should be super concerned about sleeping around simply because it’s very likely that she can be put out of commission for nearly a year to then have a newborn to care for. So by all means; girls have a valid reason to be concerned after hooking up.

Donny G makes another great point which is more surface level but still as important.

Anti-Slut Defense (ASD) is basically a girl’s mechanism [saving face] to appear non-slutty.

Anyway, while hooking up is great and all, most guys don’t take into consideration the pending headaches that come as a result of post-sex management by the girl.

Don’t Make Sex A Big Deal Or You’ll Scare Her Off: Fuck-Buddy Post-Sex Management 101


We men have a tendency to get carried away by pussy.

I am no more immune to the power of pussy than the next man.

I too have to keep myself in check when it comes to fuck-buddies, booty-calls and friends with benefits type of dealings.

Just as treatment for any psychological malady; firstly recognizing to yourself that you have a problem, is the 1st step towards handing that shit.

Now, I’m not exactly talking about pussy addiction here.

That’s for another post.

What I’m speaking about here is the excitement and high we men get after conquering a girl’s vagina.

This is less so the case with men who are used to getting laid.

For the Average Joe Blow however, who isn’t as fortunate to visit poon-town as often, whenever he lucks up and gets to sleep with a real woman for a change- this rare occasion- 9 in 10 times, will cajole him into the pedestalization of vagina (putting it on a pedestal).

With this, he gets carried away, over exuberant and besides himself.

On the surface- this psychological occurrence doesn’t seem that egregious.

On a sub-superficial level however, getting carried away over women and pussy, will lead to a situation where the guy actually inadvertently chases the girl away after managing to have sex with her.

Hence, post-sex management skill is crucial here!

It basically boils down to managing expectations and yourself.

The “kid in the candy store” effect is what I’m actually angling at.

Most men experience this giddy sensation after realizing that some chick had actually allowed them to penetrate her vagina without having to barter it with money.

Thus, we easily lose our composure and succumb to the power of pussy and the promise of more pussy in the near future if a fuck-buddy relationship happens to materialize.

It’s for this reason why men are in the habit of wanting to “lock her down” after managing to sleep with her for the 1st time.

In Pickup, it often happens where a newbie student hits the field for the first few times, manages to have sex with a girl, then lose control of himself afterwards.

Rather he continues to play the field with other women in order to garner further experience and grow in that department, he instead allows himself to be sucked into “Pussy Power”- and before you know it- this girl becomes his girlfriend in no time and he subsequently drops out of Pickup altogether.

This is 1 of the greatest dilemmas which plagues newbies in the game.

He learns about pickup or takes a bootcamp in January.

By March, he plays the game and finally manages to meet a stunner off of cold approach and bangs her.

By March’s end, with only 3 month and change in the game; he drops out of pickup in order to pursue a relationship with this new girl whom he knows nothing about.

The root cause and propellant here, are mismanagement of expectations and the guy’s inability to manage himself since he has minimal experience with women and sex.

Lacking this experience, he begins to further dig a ditch for himself by making a big deal out of sex with this (new) girl.

He then gets dumped by the time May comes around and the decline continues as he’s left to wallow in the pit of misogynous depression.

It is very difficult to control oneself after coming from a state of scarcity to gracing the halls of abundance for the 1st time in one’s life.

Nevertheless, self-control is critical and must be observed in order to avoid chasing girls away whom you’d slept with.

Even years deep into my pickup career, I was still making the crucial mistake of getting too excited too fast after sex. So much so to the point that I was chasing away 9 in 10 girls whom I’d managed to full close.

I just couldn’t understand why this was happening to me!!! 😯

I would sleep with a girl twice, then she would cut me off eventually without explanation.

Was the sex that fucking bad!?

I asked myself.

Little did I know; it wasn’t the sex, but my poor post-sex management skills and inability to contain myself and to remain “Alpha” after tapping into a particular girl once or twice.

In effect, I was chasing girls away, not due to my poor-sexual abilities, but mismanagement of myself and expectations.

To illustrate a point:

After having sex with a girl for the 1st time (or perhaps 2nd), later on that day or night for instance, Do NOT send her text messages about how good the sex was!

Do NOT worship the pussy nor the sexual encounter in any way, shape or form!

Do NOT cuddle with her in bed afterwards while saying stuff like:

“This was the best sex ever”!

“Your pussy’s so tight I almost came in a heartbeat”!

Just as importantly, Do NOT contact her virtually begging to hook up a following time!!!

This is very unattractive and sends women running for the hills!

You have to be as nonchalant and James Bond cool as possible after having sex with a girl!

The moment you allow yourself to get carried away by any 1 vagina, will be the end of your little-fornication session with this particular girl.

As a guy, and since we operate on a logical and rational plane (unlike women), it makes all the sense in the world to cherish a special moment of copulation that we shared with another human being by expressing to her (verbally) that we appreciate her and the moment.

This is highly rational and should be acceptable!

In the real world however, where women process things and information through their irrational processors, a guy expressing his gratitude over a special moment (i.e. sex), will actually be perceived as a sign of weakness in the man opposed to gratitude…which is actually what the guy’s aiming to communicate (gratitude).

Therefore, women see things and process things differently than men do…TOTALLY different!

Saying to a girl: “I like having sex with you”, has the likelihood to be perceived by the girl, that you’re actually saying that she’s a slut. When in all reality, you truly enjoyed having sex with her, and felt compelled to communicate this out of principle.

Just as crazy…or important, saying to a girl whom you’d had sex with, “I really like you a lot and want to see how far this can go”, has the real potential to be processed by the girl’s irrational mind to mean that you’re desperate, lonely and are rushing things…which might be true in most cases.

This is why after managing to sleep with a girl, it’s best to control your shit as much as possibly!

As a man, do NOT view things from a man’s rational point of view whenever dealing with the opposite sex.

Bear in mind that the woman’s brain will almost always seek to render your positive statements in the negative or to the contrary.

Hence, your kind words are likely to be misinterpreted by her mental processor.

This is why I caution you to refrain from complimenting a hot girl on her hotness and outer beauty.

Your words of fondness will likely be misconstrued as weakness, Beta, sucking-up and a turnoff.

After sex, or when dealing with a fuck-buddy type of situation, Aim to keep your cool and composure: psychologically and physiologically.

You want to sub-communicate through your words and actions that sex is NOT a fucking big deal for you!

It’s just another day at the office!

If you’re an AFC [average guy] reading this right now, I can imagine how far your jaw has dropped from the revelation that sex shouldn’t be a big deal and you are much better off communicating a vibe of aloofness and nonchalance about further sexual encounters with the girl.

Realistically speaking, sex should cause a spike of excitement and joy within you!

This does, and will occur!

Your job is just to manage it, keep it in check [yourself and your excitement] and to avoid talking about hooking up with her again…unless she brings it up.

When trying to hook up another time with a girl whom you’d already shagged, the worst way to go about it is to try to sell the idea to her through talk of sex.

You’re re-selling something that she’s already bought from you…which is ass-backwards in theory.

This will only make her feel somewhat slutty and as though her only worth is to be fucked into absentia.

A booty-call should be set up with coolness, ease and self-control by NOT talking about sex at all, rather something totally unrelated.

Instead of saying to her:

“Come over and let’s fuck”!

It’d be wise to instead say:

“Come over and let’s watch a movie”!

Instinctively, the girl knows what the fuck you mean by “watch a movie”!

She isn’t that stupid!

She knows it’s about hooking up!

By saying that to her (“come over and watch a movie”), it sub-communicates few things:

   * You’re NOT desperate

   * You’re confident about hooking up

   * You have social intelligence

   * You understand women

   * You have abundance and are used to being in the company of other women

Those bullet points are the mindset in which you want to communicate.

Not because you’d fucked the girl means you’re allowed free reign to do and say whatever you like.

Getting a girl, or getting to sleep with a girl, isn’t the real problem in the grand scheme of things.

It’s getting her to stick around for at least few weeks.

That is the true challenge and usually where most stumble and fumble the ball.

The other day while interacting with a former fuck-buddy, I found myself almost wanting to tell her how much I enjoyed her pussy and that we should start hooking up again based on that premise.

Wisely though, I was forced to restrain my fingers from typing those words and sending off that text message.

From my experience, and I don’t need anyone to confirm or deny this, doing so would have chased the girl away 9 in 10 times. And re-hooking up will have become next to impossible with the girl whom I send that text to.

Instead, I played it cool, kept my lust in check, downplayed sex with her as if it wasn’t even a forethought, and we eventually hooked up again.

If you want a girl to stick around for any time, learn to downplay sex and hooking up.

If you want to chase her away; allow your lust to get the best of you by communicating how thirsty you are.

My reality check about Same-Night Club Lays: Girls just wanna have fun

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Whoever wrote a book about how women are such emotionally attached creatures when it comes to post-sex…Kill yourself!!!

This article isn’t addressing all chicas [I love Spanish]. I’m specifically talking about the club/bar girls.

Now, I’ve learnt a lot about women, being immersed in the seduction community.

But one piece of advise which really pays dividends is this:

“Always assume that a girl is a one-nighter or same-night lay”.

And that quote is specifically addressing club/bar chicas.

We guys tend to always prejudge women as being angels, re-incarnations of Mother Teresa, prudish, monogamous…when we should enter the interaction with the mindset, “she’s down for whateva”.

Ok, let me fast forward to the relevancy of my situation.

Few years ago, I’d picked up the hottest girl in the club [ read here ].

We made out, with some PU tactics, I managed to get her back to my guest house.

Not having a fucking condom, I wasn’t able to bang her.

Side note: it seems like whenever I forget to buy rubbers, those are the times I’m presented with most lay opportunities!

When I do have a stack of condoms on me: I’m never getting lays [talk about a paradox].

Anyway, so we settled for some mutual- oral play since I wasn’t able to bang her raw dog.

Holy shit: this girl literally squirts!!!

She’s the first and only squirter I ever met! This chic fucking squirts like 10 yards: no fucking kidding!!

I gave her like 5 squirting orgasms within 15 minutes via finger fucking her.

I felt like a kid in a candy store or a guy who just discovered some crazy shit!

Anyway, we had fun! It’s in essence an SNL eventhough we never had intercourse.

Even the occasions I did bang girls the same night after the club-the same theme almost always plays out, which is:

‘The girl moves on’.

I was leaving that morning to go back to the neighboring island(Barbuda), so she walked me to the ferry just around the corner.

A day passed- she never called me.

I phoned her later, we chatted few minutes but I felt a coldness about the vibes, as if she didn’t wanna talk.

Not as if she felt hurt or dissed, but her vibe was as if she’s not fucking into me. Like “why is he calling”?

Not getting the hint that “girls just wanna have fun”, I phoned her the next day but no answer.

Phoned her few days later, no answer!

Phoned her from someone else’s mobile about a week later, she answers, then her tone sunk as she realized it was Me.

Believe me guys: I wasn’t being needy here like some AFC pussy.

I was merely following post-sex protocol: which is to not totally cut her off if I’d liked to see her again.

But I never got the memo nor the hint that this chic was merely looking to get laid that night!

So wasn’t looking for strings attached nor the possibility of an LTR (relationship). She wanted to fuck!

But we men find it hard to believe that women can be so “like us”, or promiscuous.

So I treated this case and girl as status quo and end up looking like a needy dick in the end.

Moral of the story?

Never assume that the girl at the club/bar whom you’re gaming is looking for something long term.

Assume she’s a Same Night Lay, and treat it as such by pressing the issue to bang her that night.

If you do manage to pull it off: don’t get excited like I did!

Be nonchalant and let the vibe flow.

Don’t call her after sex.

If she’s interested in seeing you again: she will call!

If she’s really just a one-nighter, then she won’t call. Or she would call just to allay the perception that you’d see her as a slut [woman’s #1 fear].

But I’d totally played that the wrong way.

Peace out fellas!

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