Asthma-Attack Debacle Field Report In Botched Weekend Plan


Okay, to set the table here, here’s a post I made to my Facebook, Saturday morning.

So I was awakened by about 10 missed calls around 7 something this morning. Notwithstanding the fact that I DETEST taking phone calls, I rang the person back.

Girl: “Kenny, I’m boarding the bus but they’re telling me that you never made reservation for me to get on”?

In my stupor, I responded: “HUH”!!?

Remind you, I was night gaming and partying the entire Friday and got home almost 4 AM this morning from an all-white party. So I was still groggy as fuck, tipsy and sleep deprived.

Me: “Who the hell is this”!!?

Girl: “Tanya”!!!

Me: “What were you saying”!?

Girl: “I’m trying to board this bus to come see you, but they’re telling me that there’s no reservation in my name made”!

Me: “And!? What that has to do with me”!?

Girl: “You were supposed to make the reservation”!

Me: “Me!!!? When did we come to that agreement!? You never even told me you were coming to see me”!

Girl: “Kenny, yes I did! OMG! Can’t believe I wasted my time packing and stuff, and now I’m here at the bus terminal, come to find out you never booked my ticket”!

Me: “What! Tanya, you never told me you were coming to see me, let alone to make a reservation for you! When did we ever have that discussion”!!?

Anyway, she kept insisting that we agreed to this a few days ago, that she would come spend the weekend with me.

As someone who diligently keeps a track of his conversations via text, at no time was there ever any such arrangement between this chick and me!

I am not that absentminded to forget such an arrangement! Who would!?

She then came to the conclusion that she might’ve misunderstood me, in thinking that I agreed to having her come stay with me for the day into tomorrow.

Either way, I still call bullshit on it, and I believe it was some sort of game she was tryna run on me.

Nevertheless, although she didn’t have reservation for the cross-island journey on the bus, she was lucky enough to board anyway, as another rider got bumped off seconds earlier.

Now, this’ what really pissed me off (as if the 10 phone calls waking me up weren’t enough):

Girl: “Kenny, I have a little issue. I’m short on cash and I didn’t walk with my debit card to swipe and pay for the ticket”.

Me: “KMFT…so what you expect me to do”?

Girl: “Can you purchase the ticket for me online? I’ll give you back the $$ by Tuesday”.

Talk about royally agitated! I was dumbfounded!

Girl: “Kenny, the bus is waiting to leave but I’m holding it up. Once you make the online buy they would get instant notification and I could sit down and leave”.

Me: “Yo, this is some fucking bullshit! I already blew about $250 cash at the club last night, now you coming with this shit! Make sure I get that shit back come next week”!

I then reluctantly bought the ticket for her online, she boarded and took off.

This was all around 8 am to 9 am. She’s expected to get here sometime after 2 or 3 this afternoon.

BTW, she’s a chick whom I already banged a while back. But she’s been dying to hang out with me again. A week ago, we VAGUELY spoke about her coming by me this Saturday…VAGUELY being the operative adverb!

Apparently, she took that shit literally, and just decided to pop the fuck up @ a cross-country/island bus terminal, and expected that I would’ve made a reservation for her, when the discussion we had a week ago on this, was just mere wishful thinking. 😦


The chick got to my place around 3:30 PM the Saturday.

Since I was beat from the Friday night into Saturday morning [4 AM], partying hard at an all-white party, all I wanted to do was to finally get some frikkin’ zzz’s.

Crawling in from the all-white party

Having sex with this girl was the absolute last thing on my agenda that afternoon.

My body wasn’t able.

Anyways, so I slept while she fiddled with her phone on social media I surmise.

In between sleep, we would chitchat about random shit.

My plan was pretty clear though: “get some rest, rejuvenate myself, then fuck this chick’s vagina out of commission”!

Being that I don’t cook [can’t really 😦 ], hence I don’t store food in my apartment, she got hungry (and so did I), so we went out around 6 PM in search of a fast-food joint.

We got burger and fries and sat somewhere to chow down.

She kept complaining about how hot the place was.

Typical female BS, always finding something to whine about…I guess.

We decided to take a stroll up and down the town.

Knowing how adventurous this chick is, I had a spur-of-the-moment idea: “take her to some undisclosed location and get busy”. 😈 So: that’s what I did.

We sat on some benches and began making out.

I kissed her on the shoulder, neck and earlobe, totally causing her to flutter and moan under my seductive foreplay.

Although she showed every physiological sign of enjoyment and pleasure, she kept fucking nagging about being hot…and I don’t mean sexually aroused hot! 😦 😡

It bewildered me to be honest, because the night was breezy as hell, and I was actually feeling a bit chilly. So to hear her continually moan about the heat, it’s crazy!

In order to accommodate her, though I was set on having some outdoor sex, I figured that it was best to head back home and relax under a fan.

Before we were able to do that, she told me to get her a paper bag.

I’m like, “huh!? Paper ba for what”!?

“Just get me a paper bag Kenny”!

At that point, I thought she was about to throw up for some reason.

Perhaps the food we just ate! But how the heck was I to get a paper bag!?

There was a supermarket across the street, so I rushed across, got a paper bag and handed it to her.

She began blowing or breathing into the bag.

It was sort of scary-looking, to be honest.

I asked her what happened.

She said she has asthma and she forgot her pump back home…across country.

My initial reaction was, “How the fuck did you forget such an essential”!? But I bit my tongue in frustration!

She sat back down on the bench and told me that she was feeling dizzy and fainty.

Now I’m like, “this fucking bitch”!

Me: “Will you be able to walk for a bit? The apartment is just right around the corner”.

Girl: “No! I’m gonna fall down if I try to get up and walk”!

The look on my face was of priceless disappointment!

“Now we’re stuck here”!? I said to myself!

Me: “Do you want me to lift you up or support you as you try to walk”?

Girl: “No. Still gonna fall. Can you get us a ride”?

At that point, I had already spent all the cash I had on me, so a taxi was sort of out the question.

Taxis in this region of the Caribbean, don’t usually take credit/debit cards. Plus I didn’t have a card on me anyway! 😦

Only resort was to walk home (which was only about 8-9 blocs). Or to phone a friend for a ride.

We sat there for a good 20 minutes while she breathed into the bag and complain about being hot and feeling claustrophobic.

Two things were floating through my mind:

1.) I would be damned if this chick comes to stay with me for the weekend, and I wouldn’t even be able to have sex with her!

2.) I actually bought her bus ticket to come stay with me, and now it looks like I might get shortchanged out of the deal!

My mind kept wondering if this was some sort of trick all along. But I seen no plausible reason for trickery here on her part.

Finally, after about 30 minutes sitting in silence, she said that she’ll try to walk.

She got up and stumbled a bit, so I grabbed her.

We walked, she swayed and stumbled like a drunk person.

I was embarrassed to say the least, because the shit really looked like I was walking with a girl who had been drugged or boozed out of her fucking mind.

We walked about 2 blocs and she dropped on her butt on the sidewalk, saying that she needed to strip her clothes off: that she’s having an asthma attack!

“FACK”!!!! I yelled internally!

“Call me an ambulance”! She said to me!

I called the hospital and they rushed an ambulance to where we were, then rushed her off to the hospital.

I honestly couldn’t give a rat’s ass about her condition!

All I wanted was to bang this chick!

All these little sideshows were just that: sideshows!

Going to the hospital to see her was out the fucking question!

Here it was Saturday night, and she’s scheduled to leave Sunday afternoon.

However, depended on how serious her asthma attack is, she may have to stay the night…at the hospital.

Lo and behold- I get a phone call about 20 minutes later- “Kenny, they say I’m gonna have to stay at the hospital on the nebulizer for the night until morning”.

Just as I fucking called it!

I didn’t even want to hear anymore.

I hung up on her and went the fuck home.

This morning, she rings me.

I’m guessing it’s to come from the hospital, and we could spend the rest of Sunday morning fucking like rabbits!

After all, her stuff was at my place since she’s staying with me for the weekend. And she wasn’t scheduled to leave until this afternoon.

As if shit hasn’t already ran a muck; it actually took a turn for more bad news…at least for me.

Girl: “Kenny, I’m gonna have to come pack and leave this morning. My boss called me and told me I needed to be a work by 11 am”.

Remind you: she usually has Sundays off (whole weekend). What are the fucking odds that her boss now wants her at work today!

Me: “Are you kidding me”!?

Long story short: she came to the apartment to retrieve her shit.

She wanted to chitchat and burn some time off before she goes to the bus terminal to catch her bus back across country. But I virtually brushed her off and told her that I had other shit to do.

She left.

Time wasted.

Money wasted! And I hope she refunds me the fucking money I wasted doing her a favor in purchasing her ticket.

I won’t hold my breath on that 1.

2 thoughts on “Asthma-Attack Debacle Field Report In Botched Weekend Plan

Add yours

  1. The mistake you made was right at the beginning…….. buying her bus ticket. You lost the frame after that and were basically fucked . NEVER buy things for a woman!

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