The Weirdest Lay Situation Of My Life…EVER [June 13th Lay Report]

I’m not sure whether to share this field/lay report because of the situation surrounding it.

Screw it!

Monday night, just before midnight actually, I get a friend request on Facebook from a female cop.

Although I have a thing for cops as far as a fetish, I wasn’t expecting to be friend requested by one of them.

It was so uncharacteristic that I wasn’t sure whether to accept or decline.


Minutes later upon accepting the friend request, my messenger app goes off: someone is calling me…the cop. 😯

How I knew she’s a cop is because I skimmed her profile and seen visual and textual proof.

I answered but the call was dropped.

I then get the following message below.


The person (the cop) then calls back.

I figured it would’ve been the female cop on the line. It was at first:

The cop: “Hi. Sorry for adding you just like that. But a friend of mines have a crush on you and she’s been checking you out on Facebook”.

I was taken aback for certain.

I didn’t know whether this was some sort or prank or if I were being punk’d.

She then puts the girl on the phone: the girl who supposedly had an FB crush on me.

At that time, it was just about 12 AM the Tuesday morning as you can see from the screenshot above.

As weird as it seemed, I was somewhat flattered by the weirdness of the occasion.

We talked for about 5 minutes until she got straight to the point:

Girl: “Would you like to come over? I’m home alone for now. My friend [the cop] is leaving just now”.

I wasn’t sure how to answer this.

For all I know, she’s a mammoth of a girl: an unsightly one for that matter.

No doubt she was DTF as hell: so was I. But I had to get a visual of her first before I commit to possibly fucking her.

She then rings me on IMO messenger video app so I can see exactly how she stacks up in the looks department.


Not bad.

I’ve seen worse.

She wasn’t the most adorable-looking hen in the troupe, but she did pass my boner test.

Not to mention that I was actually up watching amateur porn on my smartphone. So I was already in the head space of shagging someone.

Here’s a willing participant, not so cute, not the best body as far as my idea type goes, but “why the fuck not”, I rationalized to myself.

I then give her the nod: “I will come over”.

She gave me her address (over the phone) and other logistical details of how to get to her place.

Having heard the name of the street, I knew it wasn’t that far (about a 35 minute walk).

I quickly grabbed the fastest shower known to man (I basically washed my dick and balls alone), hauled on some sweat pants and ran out the door like Speedy Gonzales.

“Walk, run or ride”?

Walking would take 30-35 minutes.

I don’t own a vehicle so driving is out of the question.

Run? I would be breathless by the time I get there.


“A bike”!

I hopped on my neighbor’s bicycle and decided to peddle the way. 😆 🙂

“Oh what a man will do for a little poon-tang”.

I peddled as fast as I could but the fucking bike was going slower than an old lady crossing an empty street.

Since I hadn’t ridden a bike in months, my thighs were frikkin’ burnt out within 2 bloc’s ride.

“Holy shit I’m winded”!!!

Halfway there, I began having 2nd thoughts.

“What if this is some kinda setup”?

“What if these bitches are trying to rob me”?

I quickly allayed those trepidations once I reminded myself that a female cop was behind this all. So I doubt she would’ve orchestrated a plot with mal-intentions (though crooked cops are rampant in the Caribbean islands).

In a way, I now knew what celebrities feel like when having to deal with stalkers, ardent fans and secret admirers.

Shit’s a bit scary to be honest!

You never know what is going through some fan’s head.

After all, this total stranger has been crushing on me through Facebook, yet she never added me personally, nor do I know if she even owns a Facebook.

For all I know, she could be some old-ass lady in a wheelchair about to croak, looking for some farewell cock.

You never know!

I proceeded anyway.

Got to her building, rang her through messenger (I rang the cop actually, and she relayed the message that I was outside).

Weird to say the least.

Either I’m gonna be killed or killing some pussy.

The girl comes out- well- not actually out out, but she flags me over from behind a screen-like thingy while I stood on the sidewalk.

I entered the building to where she lived on the first floor. It was pitch-ass dark might I add! I couldn’t even make out the girl’s face, let alone get a perfect view of her shape.

We made our way to a bedroom and the rest was history [sparing you the details].

On a 1-10 scale (sex), I give it an 8. This speaks volumes since I haven’t had decent sex in months.

It always strikes me as ironic that the not-so-hot girls are always awesome in bed, while the hotter the girl, the more the sex will have sucked.

The reason for this is because hot-hot girls never had a reason to have to perform in bed since they get preferential treatment from their Beta-provider type boyfriends. Hence, they become spoiled, lazy and lackadaisical in the sack.

Be as it may, we quickly wrapped up and I existed the building after 1 AM.

Screenshot below (her texts in white).


I guess the “anyone saw you” part was because she has a BF, or didn’t want anyone who might have known her to see me emerge from her place?

All in all; the weirdest lay experience ever…at least that I can recall.

Moreover, what made such a lay possible though?

My Facebook: a chick magnet.

Guys- my FB isn’t anything special.

There’s nothing intrinsically different with my page and yours.

What makes my page attractive to women is the shit that I post and the interesting dialogues that my posts generate.

See ya!

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