Friday Night Field Report- Lost In The Woods


Last night was just 1 of those evenings where fortunate decided to fuck me over like a $2 hooker.

This girl whom I’d picked up on Facebook and banged about a week and a half ago, hit me up about “wanting to hang out” last night- code word for- “let’s fuck again”.

I agreed to meet her at her place.

In the meantime, I was @ the lounge grabbing something to eat and drink from about 8 PM to just before 9:30.

I left the lounge and drove to her part of town.

Got there a while later. But I decided to park the car about 4 short blocs away just to avoid detection since she has a boyfriend, so it wasn’t the safest thing to park the car right in front of her house (though she said the boyfriend was out of town for the weekend).

Anyway, so I parked 4 blocs away and walked the remaining way to her address.

I texted her saying I was almost there. Sent another text a minute later saying, “I’m outside”.

Waited a bit but no reply to my messages so I rang her once…to no avail.

I said to myself, “perhaps she’s in the bathroom or something”, so I decided to take a short stroll in the meantime just to burn some time until she texted me to meet me outside her house.

Being unfamiliar with this area, I walked into a wooded area, thinking that there was an obvious pathway which would’ve led me right back onto the main road in front of the girl’s place.

I walked and walked and walked through the wooded area until the path got smaller and smaller and more narrow by the foot.

By this time; I was lost!

There was no road besides a dirt one which was as narrow as a 5 feet hallway.

The narrowed dirt path was covered in shrubs and bushes, so I was left having to bend, twist, turn and crawl just to avoid being slapped and scraped up by thorny shrubs and tree limbs.

“WTF did I get myself into”, I said to myself.

It was about 45 minutes later and the girl still hadn’t texted me back.

An hour being lost in the woods- pitch dark might I add- and this bitch still hadn’t contacted me!

I went West, North, left and right, trying to find a road. But all I could see was more forest and wooded area with old cabins which seemed to have been abandoned decades ago.

After about an hour and some minutes being lost in the woods [it was after 10:30 at that point], I came upon someone’s back yard- a garage- so I figured that a road had to have been somewhere nearby.

I was hoping that a tied dog in the yard didn’t alert the inhabitants, who were liable to believe that it were a possible intruder of some sorts, so I carefully crawled around the home until I made it to a driveway.

I followed the driveway until I made it to a deserted road with 2 ways to go: left or right.

I had to make a decision: “should I go left or right”?

Taking the wrong direction may lead me further away from the car, which I wanted to find and to get my ass back to my part of town.

“Fuck this girl”, I said to myself!

I decided to roll the dice and take a gamble on going right: hoping that this was the right direction which will lead me to a familiar area- hopefully the girl’s area, where I could grab the car and bounce.

I walked and walked and walked for about 40 fucking minutes!

Let me remind you guys that I was lost in the woods for about 45 minutes on foot.

After aimlessly finding my way to this deserted road, I took the right and was walking for another 40 minutes! So that’s damn near 2 hours being lost, and the bitch still hadn’t contacted me! 😯 😡 😡

Now, what was so crazy about this was that there were no cars at all on this stretch of road. No persons walking besides myself. So I couldn’t ask for directions even if I wanted to.

GPS, Google Maps?

Never used it! So that wasn’t a viable option.

After walking this deserted road for about 40 minutes, my instincts told me that I might have taken the wrong direction (right).

Finally, the bitch calls me and sends a slew of text messages, responding to my message from about 2 hours ago, saying I was outside of her house.

I totally had written this girl off at that point.

Didn’t want to speak to her let alone see her.

She kept calling so I answered and cussed her ass out, upon telling her I was/am lost.

Her tone wasn’t in the least empathetic, so that had enraged me…which is why I cussed her out.

Her response to me saying to her, “I got lost for 2 hours”, was, “Oh, c’mon Kenny. You can’t be serious about being lost”.

“Clicked”!

I hung up and locked my phone off.

This was the slew of messages and missed calls from her that came in before I turned off the phone.

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Having walked the wrong way (possibly) for 40+ minutes, I decided to turn around and walked the entire way back into the other direction from whence I came. So this took me almost 2 hours (upwards of 12 AM) until I made my way to a populated area and I was able to see some street signs which let me know where I was.

I had walked about 3 fucking towns away from the parked vehicle about 4 blocs away from the girl’s place.

Had I kept on walking the deserted road in the direction that I first took the gamble on, I would’ve literally walked off the map…LITERALLY!

The deserted road which I took would’ve taken me to the Atlantic Ocean side of the island. 😯 You’re talking about an 8 hour walk, no cellphone towers available, etc.

Anyway, I made it back to the car after 12:30 AM (remind you: I got to the girl’s house about 8:45 PM last night).

My toes were blistered up from the rugged-long walk, feet in pain, thighs felt as though they were about to give out from the arduous stress…not to forget that I’m an ultra-fit guy who generally, walks, jogs and exercises…and rarely ever drives.

Anyway, so I got home about 1:10 AM (this Saturday morning), barely able to bend down to remove my shoes because my back was aching.

In total, I received about 30 missed calls from the girl.

I woke up this morning to the following messages via Whatsapp (the ones from Friday night and from Saturday morning).

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