A kind of daunting question I get asked sometimes is this:
“Hey Kenny, the pick-up school of thought would have it a grave transgression for a man to ever buy anything for any woman! So- what gives”?
I get asked this question because guys would commonly see or hear me posting about paying for dinner [though I never do dinner dates], paying for the girl’s taxi fare, paying for drinks, etc.
Here is the deal: there’s a difference between buying a random stranger- a girl- a drink at the bar, and paying for snacks while on an official (or even unofficial) rendezvous.
You should NOT approach a stranger in the club and immediately look to buy her a drink: especially as your opener/ice-breaker [“may I buy you a drink”?].
However, if and when on a so-called date, there is absolutely nothing wrong in paying for dinner or drinks. Likewise, there is nothing wrong in having her pay for everything or go Dutch.
The dynamics and circumstances are what you should focus on when trying to discern bad-monetary investment from okay-monetary investment.
What do I mean?
Approaching a random girl at the bar and suggesting that you should buy her a drink within the first 2 minutes of conversation, would be a bad play in that the girl hasn’t done a thing to earn it.
Buying a girl something in such a context, should be seen on the basis of rewarding the girl for good behavior, or as a reward for advancing your cause and aim: whether that be good conversation, getting a number or sex.
If a girl whom you’d approached at the bar is being a snobby bitch, why would you ever in your right mind entertain the idea to offer to buy her a drink!?
She hasn’t earned it on the basis of her stink attitude!
Most guys however, would still reward a woman for negative behavior, under the impression that if they say to her, “Can I buy you a drink”, it would placate the girl and iron out her attitude. Hence, he’s rewarding her for bad behavior, and essentially training her wrong.
If anything, you want to reward a girl for good behavior and for working in the interest of your aim.
For example (and this is how I do it): girl shows up to meet me at the designated location, I would buy her a drink/soda or a bite to eat as a reward for her actually keeping her word in showing up. Obviously I wouldn’t be that inept to disclose this with her.
In any case, I basically operate on such a basis.
If the girl does something that I find to be progressing and accelerating the chances of me getting my pecker into her vagina; she gets rewarded!
I would buy her a drink.
More popularly, if a girl agrees to come see me, I may pay her cab fare as an incentive.
Psychologically, such insignificant acts lift the burden (psychologically) off of women, thus making you appear in a more favorable light to them…though the act was insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
If a girl has 2nd thoughts about coming to see me, or let’s say that she lives pretty far and a bus ride would take too long, I would suggest to her that she should take a taxi on me.
Not only will this shorten the trip time for her, but it is also less hectic than to be on a crowded bus and it gets her right to my doorstep.
I offer girls incentives, stimuli and concessions for coming to see me.
We all do this for that matter!
Some guys may even cook a meal for the girl who is to come over. I find this to be way too much investment. Plus it is actually counterproductive in the sense that a woman won’t likely have sex on a filled stomach while feeling bloated. I’ll address this folly in a future article.
Prior to the girl coming over for the 1st time, I would buy ice cream, alcohol, non-alcoholic beverages (juice and soda) and have a snack or 2 at my place (or the hotel).
Girls cannot refuse alcohol (wine or anything fruity especially) neither ice cream.
I essentially lure them to my place with the promise of alcohol or ice cream…and it usually works.
Cooking a meal for a girl who isn’t your girlfriend is highly ridiculous.
On a further note, it all comes down to logistics, intelligence and from where you operate as the guy.
The reason why in pickup we teach you guys that you should NOT buy girls shit, nor pay for their stuff, is simply to avoid a situation where you- the guy- gets tooled out, lose value and have the girl perceive you to be a kiss-ass who goes around trying to buy women. Also, by doing this, you will have inadvertently attracted lots of gold-diggers to your party.
Hence, it is sound advice to not buy stuff for a woman unless she is your girlfriend…or at least someone whom you’d already slept with.
On the flip side; I still pay for stuff and buy stuff for women [by “buying”, I mean an insignificant drink or pizza].
The reason why doing so doesn’t DLV me [become a negative or makes me look like I’m trying to buy her] is because I operate from a place of higher value in any situation.
Women are turned off by men who try to buy them, by their love or their vagina.
Therefore, going up to a girl at the bar and within seconds suggesting to buy her a drink, will put you in the “he thinks he can buy my pussy” bracket.
She may very well accept the fucking drink! But you won’t get laid at the end of the night!
In fact, the girl will likely try to dodge you out just to avoid you, since guys are in the habit of buying drinks while believing that the girl is indebted to them, hence she must talk to them all night.
I see that shit play out every week at the bars and lounges which I frequent [chicks running from guys who had bought them drinks].
This is all because the guy gets lumped into the “he thinks he will fuck me because he bought me a drink” crowd.
However, I never get perceived in such a way whenever I buy a girl a drink because of various factors mentioned earlier. But I always operate from a position of high value and strategically so.
Hence, it isn’t that paying for stuff is such a terrible idea. Your hidden agendas are what screw it up for you.
When I buy a girl a drink, she doesn’t get the sense that I’m trying to buy my way into her panties nor trying to get her drunk.
She gets the sense that I’m rewarding her for her compliance and agreeableness (though I don’t need to).
Furthermore, guys need to also realize that there is a fine line between trying to be Alpha and being stupid by blunting your own opportunities.
I encounter fellow PUA’s (online that is) who try so darn hard to be Alpha that they foolishly kill their chances by refusing to pay for the girl’s cab fare over to their place.
The girl subsequently backs out, feeling that the least the guy could’ve done was to pay for the ride.
At the end of the day, no one gets laid…except the girl who could’ve likely gotten dick elsewhere at will. So the guy loses out for being a tightwad.
With that, you don’t want to sacrifice your lays while trying to remain “Alpha”.
Learn to give a little. And by “give” I mean to bend and yield, especially when the situation profits you in the end game.
If you wants the girl to come and hang out with you and she gets on board, feel free to ask her if she wants something to munch on.
Throw these little incentives and inducements out there!
Don’t go over board with grand proposals! Keep it light and simple.