A pick-up acquaintance of mines surprised the hell out of me when he posted the following status to Facebook.
To which I gave my brisk take.
Hence the commencement of this post which will tackle the question of why men hit on other men’s women.
Frankly speaking, it is sort of baffling to me that some guys in pickup [those who teach] are still at a lost on this one.
Surely I don’t expect the consensus of those in the PUA community to advocate it [fucking girls who are taken]. But I did expect that veterans in the game would have had a better understanding of why this happens.
Apparently not. So allow me to deliberate here.
During mankind’s history, women were always seen as spoils of war.
This tribe beats that tribe, and their women were conquered and taken into captivity by the conquering tribe.
They weren’t taken just to rare kids around the village. They were bred and ultimately mixed into the conquering tribe.
This was normal on the planes, from the Americas [the Natives], to Africa, the Vikings of Europe, etc, etc, etc. It was a custom to take other men’s women as either sexual enjoyments and or to ingratiate them into the ways of the conquering tribe.
This common occurrence was well understood throughout history from the dawn of man to date.
Today though, we aren’t exactly physically capturing women from other communities and forcing them to meld to the ways of those in another’s community.
However, the theory and the idea are still the same to this day: men seek to conquer and capture other men’s women. Not by the sword exactly, but through other less harmless means: gifts, game, bribery and seduction.
To illustrate how venerable and ancient the average guy’s thought pattern is: men today are still fighting over women…LITERALLY!
This is pretty common today.
A huge chunk of men in society are willing to physically battle another guy for their woman.
In fact- as a guy- if you aren’t willing to do this [fight to defend ownership of your woman], you’ll be deemed a weakling- not only by her- but society itself!
If another guy outright, or even subtly hits on your girlfriend, every guy will almost always feel an impulsive drive to either defend/fight, or remove his girlfriend from threat/capture by another man.
Hence, you have the all-too-common incidents of bar brawls where 2 guys duke it out over a girl.
This is just fucking men!
Any sane guy who disregards this, or just doesn’t see it, needs to get a reality check…or simply go to the bar 1 night in order to witness these subtly tug-of-wars between men.
Furthermore, this is all coupled with the fact that men are territorial in nature, and more so with their prized possessions such as their women.
We Homo-Sapiens [the males] of today react this way to other men encroaching upon our women, just as we did yesterday, 100 years ago, 500 years ago, 1000 years ago, 10 millions years ago dating back to the prehistoric man!
We feel an instinctive need to guard our women [our girlfriends] from being captured/taken by other men.
If our girlfriend even remotely flirts with another guy in or outside of our presence, we chastise her!
Push comes to shove: we’ll likely become aggressive towards the intruding male as a defense mechanism in hopes to retain our women by warding off potential threat in other men.
Sounds barbaric and even juvenile. But it’s the same story today as it was yesterday.
It is just ingrained within the psyche and being of every man to feel a sense of threat whenever other men encroach upon his woman.
Sure a woman feels the same way [threatened] if and when other women hit on her man. However, the reasoning and impulses are different as to the sex’s reactions.
Notwithstanding that, men are likely to push their chests up and to shield their women as other males hover around.
We humans behave like animals because we are animals [at least mammals]!
If you subscribe to the human evolutionary theories of mankind; you can agree with this [that we are animalistic].
This all reminds me of those animal-kingdom shows I used to watch as a kid, where the male creatures during mating season, used to fight off other males that were trying to mate and breed their female companions.
The ones I found most fascinating were the iguanas and the Komodo Dragons and how they would trash it out in order to protect the females from encroaching male dragons.
It would start from a subtle-hissing fest to an all-out brawl.
Reminds me of the stares and sneers that guys dish out towards encroaching males.
The seizing of other men’s women
Guys generally make an ethical argument as to why they are opposed from sleeping with other men’s girlfriends.
“It isn’t right”!
“It is immoral”!
“It breeds bad karma”!
The list of ethical arguments goes on.
Ethics aside for once, let’s look at what actually happens, apart from the historical aspects where ethics weren’t taken into consideration when warriors would capture fertile women from other tribes and clans.
Today, even with the ethics-thumpers, men in general don’t respect so-called relationship boundaries, and they could give a rat’s ass about the girl being “taken”.
Many men talk it: “I wouldn’t hit on a girl who’s taken”, but most of those guys will happily jump in the sack with a girl who’s taken, if she only gives the green light.
Why does a great percentage of men not actively pursue women who are taken?
It rarely ever has anything to do with their moral compass.
Most men simply give up upon the pursuit of a girl who says she has a boyfriend, simply because they [most men] really believe to themselves that women in relationships aren’t gameable, and they aren’t susceptible to jumping ship.
Has nothing to do with morals, ethics, the Bible, religion, etc.
The average guy simply lacks understanding of seduction and women, hence he surmises that once a woman says she’s taken, it is an outright rejection of his advances, and it means that she has branded herself off-limits.
This however is so far from the truth that it is laughable at times.
Hence, it isn’t that guys are so opposed from the idea of sleeping with girls whom are taken. They simply have a misconception of things, and are lacking in the confidence and persistence departments.
Give a guy a shot of confidence juice and I’ll bet he won’t abort mission once the girl says she’s taken.
As for my personal take, whether I am for or against shagging girls who are taken [though I am known to be pro-gf shagging], it still doesn’t change the dynamics on the ground, that guys enjoy the subjugation of other men’s women while pillaging the next man’s goods.
Many years ago, I said to this one guy, “I will never willfully try to go after a girl who’s taken. I’m totally against it”!
“I hear you. But don’t for 1 second believe that because you hold that opinion and belief, that other men will think likewise and respect your relationship also”.
Later on, I got a major reality check [that guys don’t respect relationship boundaries] when my girlfriend at the time cheated on me.
The guy with whom she cheated knew me personally, and he also knew that this was my girlfriend. Yet it didn’t stop him from trying, and successfully fucking her.
By no means was he wrong in doing so! The girl was the party in the wrong!
However, since that eye-opening incident years ago, I then shifted my opinion upside down from being against sleeping with girls with boyfriend, to being for it.
That may very well be a mercenary way to flip one’s opinion on things.
It may even come across as “2 wrongs make a right”. In spite of those talking-points, my stance remain the same ever since then: all women are fair game, regardless of their relationship status!
This is a universal position and hardly mines for crying out loud.
I’ve yet to have a girlfriend whom wasn’t hit on by other men who knew beforehand that she was in a relationship.
On that note, I’m reasonable enough to realize that there isn’t any girl in a relationship or marriage walking this globe, whom isn’t sought after by other men.
Therefore, history, human pathology, evolution or whichever other eloquent name you wish to ascribe to this age-old occurrence, prevails as always.
Humans are the same today as we were yesterday! Just that the times have changed. But our mindset, the way we think and operate, remain the same despite the change of time!
Thus, for any guy to cry foul about his precious damsel being courted by other men, shows his naiveté and lack of understanding of himself, women and how nature works.
The Fertility Factor
In keeping with the above passage of understanding women, it is a must that I touch on fertility in women in relation to men and attraction.
Men generally seek fertile women in order to breed and bring forth progeny.
This is why men, even those of elder age, often prefer younger women. The younger, the more fertile the girl, the stronger the chances of bearing offspring successfully.
Contrarily, as the girl ages, her fertility levels drop, hence she’s deemed useless to most men as far as breeding purposes are concerned.
With that, men subconsciously seek out fertile women.
Apart from a woman’s physiological makeup [buoyant tits, ass, hips, youthfulness, etc], 2 other indicators of her fertility are:
1.) How many men are after her
2.) Does she have a partner/boyfriend
If a woman is in high demand, meaning lots of men are vying for attention and body, it is usually a sign that she is highly fertile…which is why lots of men [subconsciously] are pursuing her.
Secondly, she having a mate already, speaks to her fertility more often than not.
Our [men’s] brains subconscious interpret a girl having someone already, or she being highly sought after, to mean that she’s a fertile woman, thus a ripe target for courtship and mating.
Not many guys really see a girl and consciously say to themselves, “I would love for her to have my babies”!
On a subconscious level: we think exactly that way!
Hence, whenever we come across a woman whom we surmise to be fertile, we instantly become attracted to her, regardless of the marital or relationship status.
Our brains kick into an “I must capture her” gear.
Again- this is no different from any time during the history of mankind.
Men were after the youngest and most fertile girls then. Today, it is still the same program with a few minor alterations.
The age-old law of the land still applies to the dynamics between the sexes: strongest survive.
It is truly survival of the fittest!
Strongest guy wins [and I don’t only mean that physically].
This theory again goes back to human evolution and life on the plains.
The Alpha-Males- the strongest males- won the female over by virtue of strength alone, or by bashing the cranium open of a rival male and taking his woman by force if necessary.
Though we don’t exactly bash heads open today, we do compete for the attention of women.
This is usually by display of either strength or game.
This is why guys such as male athletes feel an impulsive drive to perform better [even to show off more] while women are spectators to their performances.
We are compelled to put on our best show, best act, best face, etc. as long as women are checking us out.
Subconsciously, we hope to win them over by giving our best, and showing that we are the biggest, baddest, strongest muthafuckers around!
As a guy: you know this is factual!
You aim to perform better as a girl whom you fancy is sitting in the bleachers.
Again- we no longer bash heads open of other men in order to show that we are the baddest and most worthy of the girl.
However, it is the same core concept spurring us on today as it was yesterday.
Does the question of whether the girl has a boyfriend or not factor into our minds as we vye for women out there?
Of course not! So for us men, it isn’t, and it was never about the girl’s relationship status.
If the person is a female: she’s fair game!
Therefore, what we have in a nutshell is men competing for the attention of women.
The props and credit given to men for such exploits are another story.
More than anything else; what makes a man a man within the circle of the boys?
A.) Is it how plush his car is?
B.) Is it how loaded his bank account is?
C.) How about how many women he can conquer or has conquered?
You guessed it!
“C” it is!
A man is deemed a man [by other men’s standard] in relation to how good he is with women, how often he gets laid, and how many women he can conquer.
I mean, this is highly common among teenage boys where they brag and boast about potential and actual sexual exploits.
That is what makes them feel manly!
No teen boy believes to himself that having a big allowance makes him manly.
Additional, no teenage boy gets credits and props for having a driver’s license and owning his own car, “EXCEPT” in relation to the girls he would have attracted by having this car. So it all boils down to girls when it comes to teen boys.
This same mindset transcends stages of life on into adulthood where men still operate the same as when we were little lads.
If you’re an adult male and you cannot get laid regularly, you feel like shit! You feel less of a man!
Not only do you feel that way, but other men will surely chide you out and shame you for it.
On the contrary, the more women a man conquers, the more elevated he and his status become.
Likewise, one of the greatest feat of manliness is taking a girl from another man.
Ethics and karma aside!
We are dealing with real shit here!
What status points does a man actually gain from getting a girl whom he was supposed to get [someone who’s single]?
Not much points I would think.
Now, how much notoriety, popularity, props and even infamy will he have gained if he took another man’s woman [especially if the other guy is noteworthy]?
He’ll be the talk of his circle, talk of his small town, talk of his school, etc.
He’ll be deemed a bad muthafucka! And I don’t mean that in any antipathetic way!
Here’s another sobering and relative piece of information I’ll like to share with you: most- and I mean the vast vast majority of relationships- are born out of infidelity.
Sparingly do you have a situation where 2 individuals who are single, end up getting together as far as a relationship is concerned. Either 1 or both parties are guilty of cheating on someone else [the exceptions are school crushes which hardly count as official relationships].
A relationship is typically hatched out of a situation where guy meets girl, girl is in relationship, guy proceeds anyway, girl submits, sex/cheating occurs, girl jumps ship into the arms of the new guy.
With that, it is almost always a case of sexual advancement where the guy advances in spite of the girl’s relationship status.
You must also realize that a woman will almost always keep her options open, and she looks to upgrade to someone she deems a better man [whatever her criterion of better is].
This is part of the underlying reason why women often relationship hop like it’s going out of style.
She passively hopes to upgrade her boyfriends.
When she will give up this quest is based on varying factors. But this article isn’t about women and infidelity.
Overall guys, I wish to have de-mystified this oft-contentious question of why some guys pursue women who are taken, and the psychology behind it.
It isn’t that some men are plain evil and unethical as to why they appear to chase after other men’s women.
More than anything, as the article had detailed, it’s a matter of survival, fertility [breeding] and raw biology mixed with evolution.