Friday night, I hit my favorite spot, made it to the counter, order a beer for myself and a juice for an elderly lady whom I know.
I ordered myself something to eat while at it.
The lady left so I made my way to a sit-down area, sat and scoped out the scenery for targets.
Quite many girls were in the venue so there were lots of targets to chose from.
The set of girls [3 set] who sat to my right was hot enough, so my scanning stopped there.
I got up and took a few steps over to the 3 set. Since the other 2 girls were engaged in deep conversation with some guys further to their right, my target was essentially a lone wolf, hence there was no need to address the group nor to engage them but my target.
I honestly can’t remember what I opened with, but it was a very snarky, cocky and ballsy ice-breaker…per usual.
Whenever I deliver my snarky openers, they are always done in a way which communicates lightheartedness: even when I have a semi-serious expression on my face.
Chicks know when you’re just screwing around and being humorous, hence they rarely ever take my snarky, cocky shit the wrong way.
Anyway, whatever I said, the girl rebutted [playfully] with her hand in my face as she exclaims:
“If you really want to talk to me then just say so! If that’s your way of starting conversation then that’s lame. Just say you want to talk and we can talk”!
That was invitation to sit and engage her…which was the reaction I wanted, so I took the cue, sat and proceeded to spit my charming gambit. 😉
For about the first 20-25 minutes, the convo consisted of back-and-forth banter, balls-busting, finger-pointing and push-pull.
That’s how I like it at first.
I like to create drama and friction, and then slow things down.
I start from the top then slowly descend into cooler, smoother conversation.
The reason I do this is very ingenious and shifty yet simple.
If you kick things off on a rocky note, you will have already gotten the awkward stuff out of the way within the first seconds of conversation. So if it does get rocky later on, it would not have that awkward feel to it since you already got that out the way.
Therefore, whenever I approach a girl, especially in a bar setting, my ice-breaker is always something testy that has the potential to lead to an argument. But it never does because of the reasons I mentioned earlier: I de-escalate and take a few steps back [verbally]. Plus my tone and facial expressions are non-confrontational.
I like to get the rough shit out of the way ASAP!
Anyway, so the rapid-fire vibe de-escalated about 20 minutes later where I transitioned into flirty, sexual and romantic…yet dominant.
Every other minute, the vibe would spike up into a push-pull situation. This was also in a literal sense where I would take her hand and shove it away playfully while she playfully slaps me on the shoulder and playfully pushes me away.
In the grand scheme of things; this is flirting 101.
This all went on for a good hour: flirting, getting extremely close, talking in each other’s ears, body-to-body brushes, pinching each other, etc.
Her 2 girlfriends were locked into conversations of their own, so I hardly had any interruptions from them.
Here comes a group of people- perhaps 7 of them- strolling towards us, everyone greeting everyone. Apparently, they all know each other, so my target got dragged into the welcoming fest.
One of the guys- someone who apparently knows her- sits in the vacant spot to her right. So the dynamics were set up to where he and I sandwiched the girl in the middle.
Since he had way more rapport and social value in comparison to me- a mere stranger- the girl was forced to engage him while I sat there waiting my moment to get back into the conversation.
Are You A Social Violator?
Here is the thing when it comes to such sets involving acquaintances. If someone interrupts- someone whom the girl already knows- and you are the stranger in the mix, the already-acquainted intruder will have naturally had more value than you do.
Being that he has more value by virtue of knowing the girl already, the girl cannot just not pay him any mind.
This guy instinctively knew this [the value disparity between him and me]. So that’s why I feel that he positioned himself in the set in a more assertive and active way rather than passively sitting there sipping his beer.
Hence, I was close to being completely shut out because of this guy’s power play!
In such a situation, most guys in my position would either leave, not wanting to be the 3rd-wheel, or stay and do nothing but look like a weirdo in the process just sitting there gazing off into space.
I chose to stay seated while fiddling with my smartphone just to not look and feel awkward.
Anyway, they chatted for a bite then I chimed in.
This was a very risky move on my part [butting in…even though I was there first].
Since I didn’t have any social value to the girl [I was just a random stranger albeit having an attractive vibe], butting in would risk making me a social violator.
This is very important dude!
Social violators usually get blown out with the quickness!
How was I flirting with becoming a social violator?
Firstly, a social violator is someone who particularly doesn’t have social value [in a social venue], yet he barges in, butts in, intrudes and does shit than isn’t congruent with his low-social value.
Great example of a social violator is the obnoxious guy at the bar, who instead of observing social norms by greeting the group of girls he approaches, he elects to ignore the others within the girl’s circle, then try to outright hit on the girl right in front of her group.
He is a social violator.
The appropriate thing would’ve been to approach the set/group, greet everyone in it, make small talk while greeting, then address the target [the girl you like out of the group] while aiming to isolate her with somewhat permission of leave from her group.
By all means, you should NOT hit on a girl [stranger in a social venue] in front of her friends!
This isn’t just tacky but it is socially inept and you will cause great discomfort among everyone there.
You will have become a social violator!
That night [as always] I avoided becoming a social violator when I first approached this girl’s group, because she was sitting disjointedly while her group was more put together in convo. So in essence, she was alone, therefore I didn’t risk becoming a social violator by not engaging the entire group with greetings.
However, later on, since the guy whom she knew entered the venue and sat next to her and began conversing, had I just disregarded their relationship and tried to own the conversation, I would’ve been deemed a social violator and blown out the set by being ignored.
However, I took a gamble with the little social value I had and tippy-toed my way back into the conversation instead of staying there like a statue or leaving.
Slowly but surely, her attention shifted back to me. But every minute or so, the guy would drag her back [verbally] into his sphere.
My hands were tied because I couldn’t just tell the guy to fuck off or drag the girl away physically.
It turned into a thing of a 3-way interaction with the girl sandwiched in the middle.
At some point, the girl jokingly said to me, “He’s my boyfriend”.
This was likely a test to see how I would react: would I buy it and leave [blow myself out], or would I disregard it and continue conversing?
I told her, “I don’t believe you”, and that I was going to ask dude if it was true.
She quickly and playfully held me back as I was leaning over to ask dude if they were a couple.
I frankly didn’t give a shit whether they were or not. I’m smart enough to know that this was just a subtle ploy to test my Alphaness and to gauge whether I wanted her or not.
A bit later:
Me: “I wanna get you drunk and take you somewhere and fuck the shit out of you”.
Girl: “OMG! I don’t get drunk that easy! I can drink all night and still be able to think straight”!
I rapidly got more sexual as the night progressed.
The guy seemed high or something, or perhaps his bed was calling, so he was just sitting there zoned out of his mind.
Shortly after, the group that came with the guy left with him straggling behind them.
Finally got the girl to myself again!
We flirted some more then she excused herself to check on 1 of her girlfriends who was standing outside.
Minutes later, she came back in, this time with a guy who’s half drunk hounding her about how much of a good girl she is.
Guy: “You’re a good girl”!
He kept repeating as if his record were stuck on “You’re a good girl”!
She found it amusing so she laughed about it. She herself was a bit buzzed I could tell.
I got up and brought her back over to where we were.
My objective honestly was not to take her home. But just to see how far this would go.
All in all, I found this to have been a great test in observing social dynamics in social settings.