A relationship, pickup and dating opinionist buddy of mines had posted the following status to Facebook.
The meat of this article will deal with point #1 of my buddy’s post: Investment, and why breaking up is harder for men and easier for women to manage.
Contrary to popular belief: breaking up hits harder for men than women.
Why is this?
Men invest way more into a relationship, from the courtship phase down to the breakup and attempts at salvaging things, than women do.
In fact: women hardly invest anything into a relationship apart from the emotional aspects which aren’t conducive to the relationship in the first place.
Moreover, her role is almost always a passive one, while the boyfriend’s role is almost always an active one.
Need some typical examples of a guy’s proactive role?
*Guy spots girl
*Guy approaches girl
*Guy has to start conversation
*Guy begins courting process
*Guy gets her contact info [phone #]
*Guy has to be the first to text or phone
*Guy has to make conversation and carry it most times
*Guy has to convince girl that he’s worthy of her and her time
*Guy has to suggest date
*Guy has to plan date logistics
*Guy pays on date [monetary investments]
*Guy buys stuff for girl as a way to solidify his fondness for her
*Guy makes further monetary investments and installments
*Guy has to do further convincing
Now, all that occurs within the pre-relationship phase.
From the onset of the relationship if it were to ever materialize, the guy is expected to invest further and consistently in the form of monetary, financial and physical investments.
Girlfriend needs her hair done? Boyfriend is expected to cough up the cash.
She needs shoes, new wardrobe and so forth: the boyfriend is expected to foot the bill on such items.
If they happen to live together: boyfriend is expected to provide for groceries [$$$] and do all of the maintenance work around the house [physical investments].
If the girl happens to cook, then that is 1 positive-physical contribution that she brings to the table.
When you really crunch the numbers, it becomes abundantly clear that men are doing the bulk investments within the relationship.
This is no secret by the way.
It is just so common that it often goes unnoticed.
With all this investment into the courtship and relationship on the guy’s part, he stands to have the most to lose.
This is crystal clear.
If [and when] the relationship crumbles [often by the woman’s doing], the man involved loses all of his investments and cannot get a thing back!
All the dates he took her out on while paying for everything; he cannot be compensated for, and will not be compensated for those monies spent.
The jewelry bought, clothes purchased for his girlfriend, movie tickets, etc. will all go un-compensated in the end.
You’re talking about thousands upon thousands of dollars throughout the years pumped into a relationship!
This in a sense creates a tricky situation where the guy is bound and tied to the relationship since he had invested so much, he isn’t poised to just cut his loses and go.
What has a woman on the other hand invested?
Hence, she can afford to just cut and run without looking back!
She stands to lose nothing- nada!
The boyfriend on the other hand, would have been way more willing to work things out and to come to an amicable solution in hopes to keep the relationship afloat- because as I stated earlier- he has much to lose if things collapse!
You can look at it like a business investment or some sort of capital venture.
No entrepreneur or business owner will just allow his enterprise to collapse without exhausting every possible measure in hopes to salvage it before scrapping it.
That business owner will in fact pump way more into his or her struggling business as it reaches life-support stages.
Likewise with a man in a relationship. He will double and triple down as things worsen, just as the business owner will invest more capital prior to inevitable collapse and bankruptcy as a last-ditch effort to resuscitate and save it.
You’ll have the typical case where the boyfriend who’s about to be dumped, not wanting to face such embarrassing and ego-bruising situation, starts to buy more!
He may even surprise his soon-to-be ex with a new engagement ring in order that she stays with the promise of marriage.
The more the relationship fails and the faster it disintegrates, the more the guy spends and wastes hard-earned money trying to convince his girlfriend to stay with him.
This is a very common occurrence in the 21st Century!
With that, you have a case where the man in the relationship was the sole investor during courtship, the sole or primary investor during the so-called good times of the relationship, then as failure looms, the guy again becomes the sole investor by doubling and tripling-down on the gifts, luxuries, monies, dates and promises.
His emotional investments also triple!
Meanwhile, what is the girlfriend doing throughout all this as the joint-venture [a relationship] fails?
She isn’t buying!
She isn’t spending!
She isn’t trying!
She isn’t investing!
She’s playing the same passive role that she’s been accustomed to from the get-go.
She won’t do a thing to save the relationship! She will gingerly sit by and watch things descend rapidly like a fighter-jet shot down from the skies!
Technically, since she’s likely the one who had instigated and accelerated a relationship collapse, why would she try to salvage it?
She’ll simply cry about it then go fuck another dude who’s been providing a shoulder for her to cry on.
Haven’t invested a thing, there is nothing binding her to want to make it work.
This is also why women in relationships take way more risks, cheat more, and operate recklessly by taking stupid chances at times.
She doesn’t care much to jeopardize things since she was NOT nearly a mutual contributor in the relationship to begin with!
The one who invested more, has more to lose…and that is never the woman but in rare cases.
With nothing invested, meager contributions via a meal cooked here and there, it becomes a lot easier to see how and why a girl can cheat on a guy and not care to go to great lengths to cover her tracks like a so-called cheating man would.
The rebound effect is also heavily on the side of women.
If she gets dumped, or more often the case, she breaks up with the boyfriend, she can always get rebound dick within no time!
Hence, there won’t be a case to where she misses the sex with you…unless you’re awesome in bed by doing things which I told you about some years ago [ Fuck her like an animal ].
Barring that, she won’t miss the sex with you, neither will she miss sex at all since there are always tons of sex opportunities knocking at her proverbial door.
Men on the other hand- generally- will miss the sex, whether it was shitty or splendid!
This disparity all goes back to options again. Men in general lack options in women!
The average guy cannot just dump his girlfriend and get a hottie to fuck the next day.
After a breakup, a guy usually goes into shit mode where he either drinks away his sorrow or turn to video games for solace.
There is hardly ever any rebound chick at his disposal!
Upon breakup, haven’t invested much or anything at all, a girl [though she was likely the one to severe things], will shed a tear or 2 simply because she’s an emotional and sentimental creature.
However, within no time- and by “no time”- I mean a week or less, her girlfriends will have dragged her out to the club, introduced her to some hot guy friends of theirs, get hammered and fuck that new guy either after the club or a few days later at some social-circle get-together.
She may even get fucked in an orgy as her initiation into that social group of partiers.
That may occur about 40% of the time.
The majority cases [60%] will have gone down like this: upon breakup, girl was already hooking up with another guy anyway, so she will gingerly jump into his lap wholeheartedly and embark upon a new relationship.
If she wasn’t screwing another guy behind her boyfriend’s back; upon breakup, she will have likely had dozens of guys in the loop [orbiters, etc] who are all vying for her attention and vagina.
Nevertheless, a woman has all of the support systems upon breakup. She has family, girlfriends, male friends and guys who are willing to dish out money and time just to get laid.
A man on the other hand- upon breakup- hardly ever has it set up that easily.
There are no girls, female friends nor possible lover waiting to lift him up, boost his morale or to spend money on him.
He’s left out to dry!
Not only will he NOT be getting laid anytime soon, but his confidence will have been sapped as a result.
In any event, this all begs the question: “how do you prevent this”?
How to prevent a situation where investment doesn’t come back to bite the guy in the ass?
In pickup, we encourage and teach investment, but in the sense of having the girl(friend) invest!
We teach this from the moment a guy approaches a girl to chat her up.
He should get the girl to invest into the conversation instead of having her play a totally passive role!
This [getting the girl to invest] can be done in numerous ways.
Have her buy you a drink instead of you buying her a drink!
Take turns buying rounds if this is a girl whom you’d approached at the bar or nightclub!
Tell her you’ll buy her a cocktail now and she should grab you the next drink!
Though you as the guy should do majority of the talking, allow the girl to invest also by asking her stimulating questions and baiting her into contributing by strategically going silent.
Those are just some tidbits on how to get a girl to pitch in some investments.
As things progress- let us say that things get serious to where a monogamous relationship is hatched- getting your girlfriend to invest should be a steady activity.
On dates: get her to go Dutch sometimes!
Get her to pay for everything at other times and you alternate on future dates.
You pay for drinks and she foots the bill on food…or vice versa.
Get her to cook and do laundry for you sometimes!
Instead of you grabbing her lunch to take to her workplace, have her grab you lunch and bring it to your workplace.
Have her contribute monetarily and physically in the relationship!
If you 2 live separately: have her come over to your place half of the time [or more] instead of going by her apartment.
Make her physically invest by having her get her ass off the sofa, call a cab, get dress and head over to your place!
Better yet if she has to walk!
What usually happens is the guy does everything as far as he would be the one to visit and spend a night in most cases.
Hence, the girl gets to play a passive role while the guy volunteers to take the active role.
On a further note, if you’re the one doing most of the calling and texting- you being the guy- make her invest [more] by having her do the bulk of those things.
These little things which seem insignificant to you, will actually add up towards saving your relationship.
The net effect is that you will have created a balanced situation to where both parties contribute equally [or have her contribute more]…the way women say it should be, but they never actually live up to that mutual role.
Now that you have your girlfriend being an equal contributor and investor within the joint venture [i.e. relationship], if things do go South [and they often do], you- the guy- won’t be the only investor trying to keep afloat the enterprise in order to salvage time and capital wasted.
Since the girlfriend had contributed also; she too will be compelled to have to attempt to resuscitate the struggling business [the relationship] rather than bailing into a new-business venture [the arms of another guy] and leaving you [the ex-flame] stuck with all the debts, worries and headaches.
Had she contributed nothing, it takes nothing for her to let the relationship fail while she prances off into the arms of the new guy.
Had she invested, she would think thrice before cutting-and-running since she had invested too much into the relationship to just allow it to fail without a fight [by trying to work things out and fixing her shortcomings].
On a personal note: I’ve been through this with my girlfriend.
As is the case with most boyfriends, I too was the sole or main contributor from the start.
Our relationship disintegrated to life-support levels, with myself putting everything into it trying to salvage things.
Due to pick-up artistry, I was able to flip the script and make her chase me.
We resumed the relationship but under a new norm: equal investment on both ends!
I didn’t tell her in those terms. But I made it abundantly clear that things will be different from now on!
Since then, I began giving less of a fuck, provide less, invest way less, give less money, more stingy with my resources and cash, see her less, less sex, etc.
I used to go by her place 9 in 10 times. It end up being that she would now come by me 8 in 10 times.
A complete reversal!
I used to take her out on dinner dates. I do that no more [this has been over the past 4 years]. She either takes me out or we don’t go out at all.
My investments have been reduced from about a whopping 99% to 20% today.
She wants new shoes?
I give her half!
She will have to come up with the other half on her own…meaning- use her own money!
In retrospect, I was always one of those good guys who felt that it was less of a man to ever ask a woman for anything [but sex]. You know: those so-called “nice guys” who feel it is unethical and un-manly to ask women for things.
Nowadays within my relationship, I ask my girlfriend to buy me shit!
I do the same to her what she [women] does to me [men].
Me: “Hey babes, I need some work shoes”.
Me: “Bring me some lunch. I’m starving”.
Me: “I want you to cook for me tonight. Tired of eating fast-food”.
Me: “I need to borrow 50 bucks”.
Investment, investment, investment!
Get your girlfriend to invest money, resources, time and energy in you and into the relationship!
My girlfriend often complains that I don’t give her money regularly, and that all of her girlfriends have their boyfriends give them loads of cash to enjoy themselves on the weekends.
I say, “Tough luck babes”!
Those “boyfriends” of her BFF’s are likely Beta and Omega Male wuss-bags who know nothing about the tendencies of women.
All of her girlfriends are likely fucking some other dude(s) behind their provider-type Beta boyfriends backs.
Hence, I tightly ration money to my girlfriend.
I get from her twice as much as she gets out of me.
If I give her $100 for new shoes. I get $150 from her for travel expenses or some other necessity.
My girlfriend also sparingly makes comments about how her coworker’s boyfriends and husbands bring lunch for them every noonday.
I would say to my girlfriend, “Let’s see 1 year from now if they will still be together”.
I said that 4 years ago, and a year later, 3/4th of those girls who she works with, had already dumped their boyfriends…the same “good” boyfriends who were bringing them lunch every day.
My girlfriend definitely doesn’t understand the “Investment Disparity”, just as 99.9% of you reading this article, had not known about this, why it is so, and the implications in relation to cheating and breaking up.
To my girlfriend, I seem somewhat of a psychic or sage with clairvoyant abilities who can foretell which couples will last and which ones won’t last 6 months.
The thing is, once you spoil a woman by giving her what she wants, when she wants- as great as that sounds- she will NOT respect the guy who spoils and pampers her!
She will take him for granted, become ungrateful, get bored to death by his niceties, then dump him for some asshole badboy who wouldn’t give her a dime to buy a mint if her breath was badly in need of it!
Do you know how the average Jane rewards a guy for spoiling her and becoming her provider?
She fucks other guys behind his back.
Shit- she will even spend your money on another guy whom she’s screwing.
I’ve been there done that: been on both ends of the spectrum.
I been the boyfriend who lauded his girlfriend with gifts and tons of fruit baskets on a regular basis while she worked through the day.
I also been the guy on the side who was eating those fruits handed to me by a cheating girlfriend. 😈
With all that being said, if you want to avoid being used and dumped by your girlfriend; invest way less!
Have her do the bulk of the investment!
When thing go bad, she won’t be so quick to haul ass!