I addressed this tricky situation on various occasions in the past, included a video post on why you should eliminate [as much] question marks [as possible] from your text game.
Apparently, this hasn’t been resonating to the effect that I wish it has.
Those who are coming across this concept for the first time and are somewhat in confusion zone as to why eliminate question marks, I will make every bit of sense of this in just a moment.
“Question Marks”- literal “?” marks- have the tendency to communicate the wrong message to the girl in whom you’re texting.
Yes- a minute, innocuous and innocent “?” mark can realistically ruin your chances of getting laid.
In fact, you don’t even run the risk of not getting laid by using question marks, but you risk having and sustaining a text conversation in the first place…let alone reach the “I’m trying to get laid” part.
Ok, so why is the use of question marks within text messages so terrible, and how come they communicate the wrong message?
Firstly, what is the [hidden] message that gets communicated by lacing one’s texts and questions with “?” marks…that kills one’s chances with new girls?
The dreaded chance-killer affectionately known as “NEEDINESS”.
Yes- adding question marks to your questions, has the potential to sink your chances because they [“?” marks] sub-communicate neediness, attachment and dependency.
How is this?
Allow me to deal with “needy” for just a second.
What is needy in the context of seduction-community jargon?
“Needy” is dependent.
Dependency on a result and an outcome…such as the girl replying to a text, returning a phone call, etc.
Being needy/dependent on the actions of someone else [in the context of pickup], quite naturally, is a turn off.
Ok…so how does this make any sense?
Asking a question or questions, leave you in a position of dependency, correct?
The fact that you’d asked the girl a question, likely means that you’re depending on an answer/reply/result…quite naturally.
In the context of texting a girl as a guy, when an answer/result doesn’t materialize, you get worried, disheartened, desperate, needy: all of which are negative frames from which to operate.
As a guy; you know this!
You are well aware of the psychological limbo you become subjected to, as a result of your question(s) [via text message] getting ignored by that hot girl.
As she fails to reply, you begin to say to yourself within the passing seconds, minutes and hours:
“What did I say wrong”?
“Did I say anything wrong”?
“I must have said something that chased her off”
“I probably was a bit too pushy in asking that question”
“Oh shit! What am I gonna do now”!?
In essence, you became needy and dependent…dependent on the gratifying feeling you get as a result of a reciprocated text.
Without this reciprocation, you feel shitty, thus resort to desperate measures such as sending the following message which digs a deeper hole! 😦
“Hey Jenny. Did I say something wrong in my last text? I apologize if I offended you in any way”.
Ok, so that is the effect but not the cause of the effect [the effect of neediness, attachment and dependency].
Generally, whenever a girl doesn’t reply to your text messages, it is usually as a result of a question she was asked.
It has nothing whatsoever to do with the nature of the question, but how needy the guy appears in the context of asking questions loaded with question marks.
Check it out yourself by revising some text messages of yours!
A great portion of your dead-end texts will have happened at that point in texting where you’d asked something or a string of questions [with question marks].
Asking questions [with question marks], put the girl in a position where she feels pressured and forced to reply.
Whenever a chick feels pressured: she flees!
In other words; you will NOT get a reply…at least not a timely one.
Furthermore, here is the real mind-blowing revelation as to why you should reduce or eliminate question marks from your texts, and why not doing so will kill you: “INVESTMENT”!
Apart from neediness, attachment and dependency being communicated when loading your interactions with “?” marks, “INVESTMENT” is the silent killer beneath the surface.
What is investment in the context of pickup and communication via text with women…and why is it so bad?
Being “Invested” in a conversation with a new girl, happens at that point where you [the guy] find yourself over-texting, sending 5 messages to every 1 she sends, over excited and eager to converse, etc.
That is investment! When you [the guy] invest and expend too much energy [physically and psychologically], time and effort into a [text] conversation with a girl.
As a guy, you think investment is GREAT!
“The more engaged I become, the more the girl thinks that I’m attentive and actually into her…which is a plus”!
You may think so and rationalize that to yourself: But WRONG!
The more investment/attention you show her through text and phone convo, the sooner you’ll chase her away!
For crying out loud dude: haven’t you been paying attention to what the fuck I said ad nauseum about women being illogical beings and how they see/interpret things completely differently than men do!?
For instance- to a guy- the more one texts, the more it communicates his or her attunement, liking and fondness of the other person.
That is LOGICAL and a given!
To a woman- the more one texts, the more it communicates desperation, neediness, ineptitude and- well- triple desperation!
Hence, do you get how women and men can perceive the same thing radically different?
If you want to make it in this game of pickup and dating, you MUST adopt the woman’s approach!
Sounds fucked-up! I know…especially for an Alpha-Male like myself who prides himself on being dominant and manly! But the rules are what they are!
Women set the rules today in the dating marketplace!
Guys best follow [as in play by the rules women play by] or get left the fuck behind!
Granted; this is much easier said than done [to adopt to a female’s format] since there isn’t any well-circulated handbook which a guy can grab at any local library, barbershop, or newsstand!
Thanks to the pick-up community and guys like myself who are PUA’s: we put out videos, programs and blog contents like this, in order to equip those hapless guys out there with the tools necessary to compete on a leveled-playing field by teaching guys how women think and act, and why they think and act the way they do!
Be as it may, “Investing” oneself [as a guy] into a text-chat with a girl whom you want to hook up with, is a TERRIBLLY counterproductive idea…though it is totally logical!
The girl will NOT see your excessive texting and attunement as a good thing! But that you’re desperate, needy, attached, dependent and have nothing else going on for you in life…which is a huge turnoff since women are attracted to men who have other things going on in life.
Therefore, loading your text messages and questions via text with “?” marks, will likely set off a red-flag alarm in the girl’s mind saying:
“This guy is NEEDY and too committed/invested in me!
Run, Run, Run”!
Now, the solution to this?
Am I saying that you shouldn’t ask questions through text at all?
No! That is not what I’m saying!
It is the way in which you ask, and at which points during the text-chat you insert question marks…and how many you insert altogether [I’ll speak about this later in the article].
Guys, it is basically a reduction in question marks that I’m imploring here. Either eliminate or reduce!
You can ask all the questions you want!
You can go question crazy if you like! But simply don’t conclude those questions by adding the “?” mark.
That little omission or retraction can and will change the entire context of the conversation and make all the difference!
You will no longer come across as the guy dependent on a reply from the girl. But someone who can care less whether she replies or not!
Instead of appearing attached and invested, you want to give off the vibe of nonchalance, aloofness and detachment from an outcome/reply.
One way to achieve this is simply by eliminating as much question marks as possible!
The more you care: the more the girl loses attraction and value for you!
Adding question marks says that you care for a reply.
Zero to limited question marks show that you can give 2 fucks: a disposition that women find attractive [hence why hot girls LOVE bad boys and guys who give off an aura of unattainability].
Here are some text messages between various girls and me, as examples of how I use less to zero question marks whenever asking a girl something.
It is very innocuous but makes all the difference in communicating that I am NOT invested, instead I am unattached to an outcome.
With every girl I text, the format remains the same as far as omitting as much question marks as possible, or altering their positions [which I’ll address below].
I don’t run the risk of chasing girls away because they can sense that I am non-needy and I am not attached to an outcome [a reply]…or else I would’ve clearly ensured that I insert questions mark to show “urgency” and “attachment”.
Hence, my questions come off as pressure-free and girls are inclined to answer opposed from ignoring.
Now, here is the other trick to this. You can simply ask a question with “Do”, but omit the “?” mark at the end, in order to avoid ambiguity.
Here are the differences:
*”Do you like burgers or hot dog”?
*”Do you like burgers or hot dog”
*”You eat burgers or hot dog”
Those were the same question, but the last 2 [the high-value formats] are without the question mark.
If you want to ask a girl whether she eats burgers of hot dog [as an example], you can simply say:
“You eat burgers or hot dog”
If you want to avoid ambiguity, you can instead say [by adding “Do”]:
“Do you eat burgers or hot dog”
Both formats are high value because they have no “?” marks at the end.
A common rebuttal I face whenever teaching guys this, is that they feel as though the girl whom they’re texting, will deem them illiterate for using improper grammar and punctuation [or lack therefore].
This is NOT the case at all!
Girls are NOT going to perceive the non-use of question marks in your texts, to mean that you’re some uneducated tool who needs a touch up in basic grammar!
Her brain isn’t registering that!
She is scanning for whether you are high value, low value, needy, desperate or non-invested.
A girl can care less whether ‘HER’ messages are constructed with perfect grammatical characters and punctuation!
Why not? Because she is NOT invested!
She is NOT desperate!
She is NOT aiming to please you!
She is NOT putting on a show for you!
She is high value while you’re beneath her!
Hence, she has no reason to perfect her texts…and she won’t!
With that being the case, you have to play on her plane by communicating an air of aloofness and detachment from the texts you send!
Unless she asks for a correction/clarification; don’t care to give her 1!
Ok, so on that note guys, remember to exclude question marks from your questions!
If you do include them, ensure that theycome at the middle of the question [2 separate sentences] but not at the end of the question.
Correct High-Value format: “By the way, are you 21 or 26? I wore you were 26”
Incorrect Low-Value Format: “By the way, are you 21 or 26”?
Incorrect Low-Value Format: “I swore you were 26. By the way, are you 21 or 26”?
Hence, if you do decide to add a question mark to a question via text, you should break it up into 2 smaller sentences where you make an observation after asking the question as with the examples I gave above.
I’ll leave you with some examples of how to ask questions [with question marks], but by turning the question into a statement in order to depreciate the value of the would-be needy question itself.
“Do you wanna come along? I’m gonna grab pizza later”
“What street do you live on? I’m guessing 3rd”
“What does a girl like you do for fun? That’s if you do anything fun at all” 😉
“How old are you? You look very young”
“Are you the scary-movie type? Don’t see so to me”
You get the picture.
On that note, you could eliminate the “?” marks altogether and omit the follow-up statement if you care not about ambiguity.
“Do you wanna come along”
“What street do you live on”
“What does a girl like you do for fun”
“How old are you”
“Are you the scary-movie type”
It is all about the way in which you frame and structure the question.
You can either appear low value [committed and attached to your texts]. Or high value [non-committed and unattached].