Beware Of The Frame Battles Over Text Messaging

“Battle of the Frames”!

During my Whatsapp Program I was granted the okay from 1 of my students to post the following screenshot as examples of “Frame Battles” and how to not get drawn in.

Here are the screenshots that he had shared with me. I’ll afterwards break down the mistake he made as I pointed out to him also [his texts in green, the girl’s in white].



Now, scanning that exchange with the naked eye, most guys would say that the exchange was pretty decent.

On the surface- sure!

However, there’s a crucial blunder made by my young pupil during the text exchange. And it all comes down to frame battles and how the girl was able to out-frame him.

Frame Control In Pickup

What is a frame battle?

In non-complicated language, a frame battle is an exchange [verbal, textual or written] between a guy and a gal which entails a subtle or otherwise overt jockeying and jostling for power.

The one who dominates or gets the upper-hand in this frame battle [by out-framing the other], controls and wins the frame.

There’s a classic phrase in the pick-up community which exemplifies this: “Strongest frame wins”.

Ok, now that we’ve gotten that out the way, let’s get into why you should avoid frame battles with women and how to win the frame.

Whenever you feed into someone’s line of argument aka their reality/frame as we would say in pickup, you are already losing by virtue of the nature of the conversation.

Ok, to make this simple as possible and tie it into the text convo between my student and the girl, when you get into a debate [through text] with a woman (as my student did), you are falling into her frame and her game.

You are falling into her trap essentially.

Now, I want you to re-read the screenshots and see exactly where my pupil went wrong in that he fell into her frame, debated with her, and essentially lost the frame battle.



When a girl plays difficult, the worst approach you as the guy can take, is to fall into a back-and-forth tussle, trying to convince her that your point of view and your argument is valid.

Hence, when you take another look at my pupil’s chat log, you can clearly see where he went wrong by trying to convince the girl that he’s qualified and that his position should be taken on board.

If a girl says to you over text, “You will never have sex with me”. The absolute worst way to reply to this is to say to her, “Never say never”…as witty as that sounds.

Such a common reply not only lowers your value in the girl’s eye, but it demonstrates to her that you are trying too hard…which is a turn off.

In such an exchange: the girl’s frame proves stronger!

She wins the frame battle!

Once she gets you chasing and actively trying to convince her that you are worthy of her, she will instantly lose interest.

This doesn’t mean she won’t continue to talk to you. But she will not want to meet up, not want to date and not want to fuck.

Ok, so how do you handle such frame battles?

Check out this brief exchange between a girl and me over Facebook a few hours ago. This is a chick whom I hooked up with last year but had since fallen out over a dispute and patched things up again.


You see how that works?

Her position/frame/argument was, “She’s not gonna fuck me if we hang out.

Now, had I been my student, my response would’ve been, “How come we can’t have sex? It would be good”.

Doing so would’ve put me in the beggar’s frame, trying to convince the girl why she should fuck me.

Most guys take that route, not realizing that they are driving the nail in their coffin even deeper.

My response ingenious as I nonchalantly said to her, “That’s ok. It’s not all about a quick fuck”.

With such a reply, was I trying to convince her why she should fuck me?


I conveyed to her that not wanting to have sex with me isn’t a big deal.

With such an innocuous reply on my part, I didn’t play into her hand/frame when I elected to not duke it out over this.

That is how you win a frame battle over a girl during text.

You simply avoid turning things into a debate/tussle.

Not only will the girl feel psyched out and bested that she didn’t get to suck you into a debate aka frame battle, but she’ll also realize that she’d played her cards wrong.

In closing:

1.) Watch out for little frame battles that women will try to drag you into over text message particularly

2.) When you will have realized a frame battle pending, instigated by her, you simply avoid it by not engaging her in that conversation

A girl says she doesn’t like you?

Stop trying to debate her as to why you are such a likable guy.

Girl says she doesn’t want to hook up?

Stop trying to convince her why it’d be a good idea to hook up.

Girl says she’s too much for you to handle?

Don’t get sucked into a debate where you’re trying to tell her that you are man enough for her.

Stop qualifying as we would say it pickup!

Do the opposite of what it commonly expected in such cases!

If a girl says she won’t hook up with you, say something like: “Cool. I’m bad in bed anyway”, then you continue the conversation/texting as though she never said what she said.

That is 1 way in which you beat her frame, psyching her out by saying what she leasts expects to hear.

Now, here is a significant piece of information you should note. In person, frame battles are less important.

Over text or phone conversation where the girl is outside of your physical presence, that is when she will mostly try to sucker you into a battle of frames.

Over text, a girl naturally has more power and more leverage since she’s not face to face to have to face you while trying to dupe you into a battle.

1.) Watch out for little frame battles that women will try to drag you into over text message particularly

2.) When you will have realized a frame battle pending, instigated by her, you simply avoid it by not engaging her in that conversation

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