Most men aren’t aware that there is such a thing as the “Sexual-Grace Period”.
It is more like a phase than anything else.
What it actually is, is the period just before, and just after, a girl gets into a new relationship.
That window in between both phases is what I dub the “Sexual-Grace Period”.
During that period in time, the girl will likely continue to fuck her ex-boyfriend- even though she now has a new boyfriend to whom she claims to be committed.
This is the “Sexual-Grace Period”.
Most men [new boyfriends], 99.9.9% of them, are TOTALLY oblivious to this- just as I was some years ago until I actually ran some case studies of acquaintances and my own experiences from previous relationships.
A night or 2 ago, I hooked up with a fuck-buddy whom I’d met randomly over Facebook about 5-6 weeks ago [photo below].
When we first met and hooked up the following day, she claimed that she was single…and I do believe her…though no girl is ever technically single.
Be as it may- she was single- and we hooked up about 6 weeks ago.
Fast forward to a day or 2 ago, as unofficial fuck-buddies, we hooked up again.
Here’s the text log from Whatsapp Messenger.
What I want you to take note of isn’t necessarily the fact that she wanted to hook up so badly. But the underlying dynamics:
She now has a (new) boyfriend.
[Note: my texts in white. Hers in the blue field]
Well- that was pretty straightforward.
On a side note, if you’d read my previous post about Selling an adventurous risk and not Sex, the above chat log is a clear example of what I wanted to communicate in that post.
Anyway, she had mentioned her new boyfriend to me about 3 weeks ago when we hooked up then.
No big deal to me.
We’re just having a fling.
I’m in no way emotionally invested here. So I have no reason neither to feel slighted nor harbor any rancor towards the reality of a new boyfriend.
From the text chat, it was obvious that she wanted to hook up that night, but wasn’t sure if her new boyfriend was going to stop by her place that night. 😈 😈
I remained cool about it and told her that we’ll meet up the following night…hopefully.
She was so sexual aroused that she begged me to come over though she was dead tired and it was kinda late [after 11 PM].
Question: why didn’t she tell her new boyfriend to come over since she so wanted to have sex?
That’s another story for another article.
Anyway, so we subsequently hooked up 2 nights ago and left it there.
The “Sexual-Grace Period” is the limbo phase that this chick is currently going through.
When a girl gets a new boyfriend, chances are, she will continue to fuck the guy(s) whom she was fucking prior to meeting the new boyfriend [at least for 6 months].
Hardly any guy is aware of this phase that a girl goes through.
No new boyfriend wants to think that his prized-new girlfriend is fucking some other dude…especially at the inception of the relationship.
Hence, it is this psychological deniability on the guy’s part, that blinds him to the reality and possibility that his new GF could be banging her -ex or some other guy.
Whenever we meet a girl and allow ourselves to become invested in her, we men tend to actually invest ourselves into the idea of a perfect girl while dismissing her likely shortcomings.
We sell ourselves a dream that this girl whom we had chosen, must be special and unique apart from any other girl.
That self delusion brings credence to the cliche of “Ignorance is bliss”.
Having these high and unrealistic expectations of our girlfriends, isn’t a logical frame in which to operate from.
Women are very well aware of this [expectation management].
Women also expect that we men [i.e. new boyfriends] to know that the “Sexual-Grace Period” actually exists, where she ought to be allowed to continue screwing the guy she was seeing before her new relationship was hatched and ratified.
Surely no girl in her right mind would ever verbalize this to the new boyfriend [that she should be allowed free reign to continue fucking another guy]. But she expects him to know this already.
However, men obviously never bothered to read that part of the memo when it was disseminated.
Therein lies the conflict and disconnect between the sexes on this subject.
Men aren’t nearly as smart as chicks give us credit for. 😉
In conclusion, before making that step towards exclusivity and monogamy with any girl, always keep in back of your mind the “Sexual-Grace Period”.
Be aware that there is an 80% likelihood that your new girlfriend will have still been hooking up with some other guy whom she was seeing before she met you, or before you 2 went steady.
It doesn’t have to be an ex-boyfriend neither. So don’t necessarily go on a witch-hunt trying to uncover an ongoing fling between her and the ex.
Just as in my case with the sexy girl written about in this post.
I wasn’t at all an -ex of hers.
We’re merely fuck-buddies.
To summarize that point; how should you as the guy go about this novel revelation that your new GF is still shagging someone else…and when will it ever stop?
To answer the first part: you as the guy, should also continue to sleep with the girl whom you were possibly seeing before going steady with your new girlfriend.
Women [your new girlfriend] wouldn’t expect differently of you since she herself will have been engaged in the same activity.
Why most men don’t have this option and the liberty to sleep with another girl, is because most men who get into new relationships, weren’t seeing/fucking anyone prior anyway.
I highly doubt that there’s ever been a case recorded in history of a girl meeting some new guy, while coming off of a cold streak where she wasn’t seeing someone shortly before.
Girls generally transition from guy to guy, dick to dick, without allowing sufficient space at all for psychological recovery.
Chicks are notorious for rushing into relationships. And that is the reason why they constantly get stuck in this dilemma of sleeping with the prior and the current.
It is all a swift transition for her, leaping from cock to cock like it’s going out of style.
It is for this reason why I’ve always stated on this blog, that there is no such thing as a girl who’s single.
They just don’t exist!
Either she’s banging an ex, seeing someone semi-exclusively or sleeping around wantonly.
Either way you put it, a girl almost always have men/dick in her life…or at least at her disposal. Hence, there is hardly ever a period where she isn’t or cannot get her sexual urges checked.
Men on the other hand, we aren’t usually as fortunate to have options.
The average guy who eventually gets a girlfriend [likely through relatives, coworkers or social group], had likely crawled out from the cold of the dating pit where hooking up was just a figment of his imagination…through masturbation. 😉
Side Note; whenever a girl masturbates, it is usually by choice. When a guy masturbates, it usually comes from a dark place and a lack of sexual options.
Anyway, so that is why most men who get into new relationships, are very likely to have been faithful since they don’t have the option to cheat even if they wanted to.
Contrarily, a girl rarely ever gets into a new relationship observing fidelity by being faithful to 1 guy…at least for the first 4 to 6 months.
She will have been hooking up with someone else until…
This then begs the question: “when will it stop”?
“When will the new girlfriend desist from seeing an old flame”?
Through my intense research and studies of couples that I know, her cheating will likely last upwards of 4-5 months into her new relationship.
If she doesn’t get exposed as a cheating girlfriend by the new boyfriend, her cheating will generally exceed 7 months until either:
1.) The other guy gets tired of fucking her so he moves on
2.) She gets caught by the new boyfriend and is then forced to halt her sideline activities since she’s now being monitored heavily due to suspicion by the new BF
She rarely ever stops screwing the other guy on her own volition, her own moral conscience or consideration for the new boyfriend.
Flings are labeled flings for a reason: they don’t usually last very long by exceeding a year [not even 8 months].
An average fling may last anything from 3 weeks to 3 to 8 months the most.
From this fling, either a relationship is born, or 1 or both parties decide to end it and move on to the next fling.
Nevertheless, to answer the nagging question for a second time, “when will the new GF quit having her flings with the guy(s) she’s been sleeping with before getting exclusive with the new BF”?
Four to six months is the fairly standardized median…according to my vast experience.
Oh- and guys- please don’t fall for the misleading bullshit where a girl tells you that she is or wasn’t fucking another guy into her new relationship.
That is a lie!
If she has an ex-boyfriend, especially if they are still on civil terms, chances are, she will have been banging him upwards of 4 months into her new relationship [even if they had broken up in contention].
As a guy [the new boyfriend], this should not come as a fucking surprise once you understand women and their illogical logics…though an oxymoron in and of itself!
You shouldn’t be throwing a pissy-fit at the notion that your new girlfriend could possibly be fucking someone else.
Listen- when I got with my current girlfriend 6 years ago [actually and literally around this time in 2009]; I knew fucking better!
She couldn’t lull me to sleep with any deceptive tactic in trying to convince me that she wasn’t still seeing her ex for a stint.
I told her that it was NORMAL and expected. Hence, I don’t harbor any ill feelings about the situation.
I do believe that she was seeing her ex at least 2 plus months into our relationship…though she claimed she wasn’t.
However, as someone who studies women and their behavioral patterns, I never allowed myself to get all butt-hurt, negative and jealous about it.
I was cool with it, because I knew there was nothing I could’ve done to change the reality.
On my end, it was the same scenario of course.
When my current GF of 6 years now, swindled me into a relationship which I didn’t want at that time [yes- I felt I was swindled], I was actually seeing 5 other girls at the same time…with her being the 6th…[and by seeing; I meant screwing].
Months into that new relationship, I kept seeing 2 to 3 of those old flames until the fire eventually went out.
Saying all that to say- and as a warning to all men out there: Don’t trust any girl until she has proven her trustworthiness over time!
It is downright FOOLISH on your part to meet some girl today, rush into a so-called monogamous relationship tomorrow, then blindly expect the girl to be faithful and trustworthy!
Trust is something that proves itself over time!
You don’t meet a new girl today then allow her to sell you fucking dreams of how faithful she could be, or was, in her previous relationship(s)!
Trust is earned [at least should be]!
Let a girl prove that she can be faithful. And don’t just presume that she’ll be faithful solely because she’s now with you in this new relationship.
When you do find out 4 months down the line that she’s been sleeping with some other guy from her past, you’re left to feel all betrayed and suicidal that you allowed yourself to be duped by someone whom you’d entrusted.
Had you realized that the “Sexual-Grace Period” was a real thing, you would’ve managed your expectations with more prudence, by keeping them [your expectations of your new GF] at a very bare minimum until the girl proves herself worthy over time.
Furthermore, why do men trust their new girlfriend so easily anyway?
You’ve heard me say this a gazillion time but I must reiterate: Most men operate from a position of scarcity mode!
When something is perceived to be scarce, one has the tendency to latch onto that something while abandoning any semblance of forethought and rationality.
Since pussy is a scarce commodity for most men on the globe, whenever a guy does luck up and gets himself a girlfriend, through his scarcity mentality, he mismanages expectations, foolishly trusts someone he doesn’t know [i.e. new girlfriend], and begins to sell himself the “I have a perfect-girl” fantasy…not realizing that his so-called cherished girlfriend has probably downed more semen within the last year or 2 than a porn slut at a Bukkake gang-bang shoot.
When first meeting a girl whom you would possibly consider dating, she should be placed on a proverbial quarantine like an Ebola patient until further notice.
This means that everything she says out of her mouth should be scrutinized and deemed suspect until proven true by the test of time [lies will always find a way to surface].
Am I telling you to not trust women?
I’m telling you to not trust strangers!
That is sound fucking advice, don’t you think?
It doesn’t matter if you knew the girl for 15 years, attended elementary school together, sang Kumbayas in Sunday school together; a relationship is a whole new ballgame with lots of nuances and hidden clauses built into it.
A girl within the confines of a monogamous relationship, operates under different guidelines, has different expectations and behaves differently than if she were single…quite naturally.
Therefore, just because you grew up with and around Jenny, doesn’t mean Jenny within the context of a relationship, would be the same Jenny [quite the contrary]. So you should not trust any girl at the outset of a new relationship until and unless she’s proven herself: even if she’s someone you know wholeheartedly.
As for the girl featured in this article who virtually begged me to hook up with her the other night.
You can clearly see from all I’d explained within this post, where, why and how her new boyfriend went wrong.
For starters, he jumped into a relationship with someone he didn’t know for that long.
Both sexes are guilty of committing this common mistake.
Only difference is that men operate from a lower state of consciousness through poor expectations.
Ok, before wrapping up here, I want to touch on actual “Sex” for a moment.
I am terrible in bed!
I’ll be the 1st to admit that! 😆 🙂 😆
Why do girls with boyfriends and husbands keep coming back then?
Why are they continually cheating on their boyfriends and husbands just to lie down with me…someone who isn’t at all good in bed?
Now, for the record; it isn’t that I can’t thrown down and be stellar in bed! It’s simply that I don’t care to put on a sexual performance for any one girl.
However, what keeps girls hooked to me [to the detriment of their relationships and marriages], is as I stated in the previous article, I sell a risky adventure. I sell women an experience. I sell them drama!
I do NOT sell sex to women by making the focal point of our communication how good I can be in the sack!
Fucking a girl good won’t keep her coming back [that is 1 of those Urban myths and legends perpetrated by insecure men that need to be debunked]!
Fucking her ‘MIND’ good will keep her hooked and wanting more of the experience and not necessarily wanting more of the sex.
I mind-fuck women into wanting me by creating a certain dramatic theme that will serve to enthrall and entrap her mind.
It is way beyond intercourse.
When all is said and done, I hope that you will have deduced the main theme from this article, which is that a new girlfriend will expect to be granted a free pass to continue sleeping with the guy whom she was sleeping with before she got with you…until that flame will have fizzled out.
Not only does she expect this “Sexual-Grace Period”, but she somewhat expects that you would also do the same.
It isn’t seen as cheating to women. During this grace period, she is still virtually allowed to do whatever she pleases [according to her modus operandi].
As a guy, you’re left with 3 daunting choices:
If you haven’t checked it out already, ensure that you read part 1 which I posted back in 2013.