Most Awkward Pickup Ever: Drug Counselor Field Report + Staring From Other Men


Ok, pretty ambiguous title for an article, but I’ll sure to make sense of it by the time I conclude.

Earlier today while on my lunch break and after checking up on my 5 year old son at his new school, I spotted a sexy someone who looked like a teacher walking by the school.

She went into a nearby corner store so I waited outside of the store for her to re-emerge.

This is in a busy area surrounded by 3 different schools. So if this chick is a teacher, logics tell me that she would’ve been known by faculty and other personnels who work in 1 of those schools.

Anyway, I posted up on the wall with my back to the wall as I wait for her to come out the store.

Ten to 12 minutes later- she comes out and walks into my general direction.

I open:

Me: “Hey, are you a teacher”?

Girl: “Not quite…I’m a drug counselor”.

Me: “You look young for a counselor. By the way, I have an issue perhaps you can counsel me on”.

Girl: “What is that”?

Me: “I prefer if you come close. I’m gonna need a hearing-aid to hear you from that far”.

She was being somewhat standoffish as expected since…well…women don’t get approached by random guys.

Girl: “I don’t think I’m too far”.

We tussle back on forth a bit on distancing so I manned up, gave in and went over to her.

Me: “I have a problem. I’m hooked on drugs and I need help”.

Girl: “What kinda drug”?

Me: “The love drug”.

She laughs!

Girl: “What is that”?

Me: “Dopamine”. It’s very frikkin’ addictive”.

Girl: “Well you might actually need a program”.

Me: “What if you were a part of the problem”?

Girl: “What do you mean”?

Me: “I’m addicted to you. You are the drug really”.

She laughs again!

Me: “I’m liking what I see”.

Girl: “Well…we all like things we see”.

Long story short: the interaction went on for 15 minutes with me telling her that I’m trying to pick her up. And that the drugee opener was my pick-up line to break the ice.

As expected, she laughs hysterically:

Girl: “Well you see- your pickup line worked to break the ice”.

Now, through the periphery, I kept note of 1 key thing that was happening all around me: men were virtually converging around us as if they were looking at a freak of nature or some sort of fucking phenomenon or something!

I mean- is it that frikkin’ rare to see a guy chat up a girl in public!?

Unless something stood out that the girl and I were oblivious to: like shit on my pants or gum in the girl’s hair or a huge blood stain on our shirt?

All jokes aside though, this doesn’t happen often at all.

Random men aren’t approaching random strangers chatting them up on their lunch breaks and so forth.

Hence, whenever guys see another man do this effortlessly, they sort of get struck with a bit of envious energy coupled with a dash of amazement that there do exist men with grandiose balls who approach women.

For crying out loud- it’s Wednesday- a day of soberness where work-mindedness prevails.

A sober guy shouldn’t be picking up hunnies!

Such shenanigans should be reserved for the weekends @ the bar where the booze-induced wussy can pretend to be cool!

So says the average guy…not Kenny.

Anyway, so there were guys peering out windows, steering from balconies and literally pausing mid road as if to hear our conversation.

IDK! Maybe it’s all in my head! ❓

Generally, I absolutely NEVER pay attention to steering and what goes on outside of the immediate conversation.

However, it was so fucking blatant today that I couldn’t help but feel a bit awkward and put on the spot [talk about spotlight moment].

Also, it was pretty obvious that this was a “Pickup” in progress and not a casual chat between acquaintances, coworkers or friends.

This had all the ingredients of a Pickup! From the girl’s laughter, her animated eyes, the mutual flirting, etc.

A guy blatantly picking up a woman usually gets the attention of observers.

As advice here for those reading this, I want you guys to realize that people will stare and often hope that you fail in order to get a good laugh.

Pay that shit no mind!

Recognize that other men are basically envious that you had the cojones to do the unthinkable…which is to put yourself out there on the line and risk rejection in order to pick up a girl (or at least try).

You’re beating 96% of other men to the fucking punch by simply stepping to the plate!

Case in point, how many guys wanted to approach the smoking-hot drug counselor whom I’d picked up earlier today?

A lot!

How many of them actually stepped up?

ZERO…except me of course! 😉

In their minds, they wanted to approach but couldn’t due to fear of rejection and a plethora of other social phobias which hamper guys from getting involved in pickup in the 1st. place.

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”.

Hence- start taking shots!

Even if you fail; at least you know what the outcome was due to trying.

I leave you with this very pertinent video from Maxx, formerly known as Luke Jaywalker.

One thought on “Most Awkward Pickup Ever: Drug Counselor Field Report + Staring From Other Men

Add yours

What's your view?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: