“Just Be Yourself”: The Worst Piece Of Dating Advice Ever

Why this piece of advice won’t get you anywhere.

In essence and theory: this is sound advice!

One should have comfort in knowing that he can be himself and still attract women, still get laid and still maintain a harem of hotties in which to chose from.


The reality is: being yourself doesn’t guarantee this in the least [assuming “yourself” isn’t up to standard].

This’ the worst piece of shit advice you will have ever gotten from your parents, relationship counselors, buddies…women…

My rebut to “just be yourself” would be: “It depends on who that self is”.

That is a key piece of information that the average guy doesn’t want to face since the average guy isn’t up for introspection neither changing his sucky ways.

Guys take comfort in mental masturbation, wanting to take the easy route to success in life, unwilling to fucking grind and put in work for optimal results!

Therefore, when such a guy comes across theoretical bullshit and blissful cliches like “Just be yourself”, he immediately feels a sense of self-appreciation in knowing that he can live a life of slobbery and it’d all be ok.


Now for argument sake, if being yourself means that you’re already a well-put-together dude, then sure: “be yourself” is a great piece of advice and you should run with it.

However, judging from the virtual statistics and what the eye can see, the average dude does NOT have his shit together as far as the components in which he’ll need to incorporate into his lifestyle in order to attract women and have a fruitful life in accordance with that.

Hence to say to a slob: “Just be yourself dude”, is tantamount to treason against humanity in my book. 😯

Why Men Are Enamored With The Idea Of “Just Be Yourself”

What most men are opposed to are drastic-lifestyle changes, or even minuscule tweaking for that matter.

Humans are inherently lazy and adverse to change.

Adult men unfortunately are at the bottom of the totem pole as far as lifestyle “changes” are concerned.

“Why change”!?

“It’s so much easier to just remain the same, be the same-old sloppy couch-potato I am and have my women feed me grapes while I do nothing but channel-surfing all day”!

“Fuck changes”!

“Kenny can suck it”!

That’s just a peek into the psyche of the average guy who’s adverse to changes.

It’s so much easier to remain wallowing in filth instead of purchasing a bar of soap, shampoo, body-scrub and get to cleaning up the bodily mess we guys tend to call our lazy lives.

Such a guy doesn’t want to entertain jack-shit on the subject of lifestyle alterations, fitness, wardrobe tweaking, going out, learning social skills, etc.

“Just gimme my remote and cable TV and the hot bitches will just stroll on into my humble abode”!

This is “being myself”!

“I wouldn’t waste my time on that Pick-Up Artist crap! That’s for losers…unlike myself”!

Such sentiment is often thrown my way via social media by guys of all walks of life.

Every guy wants to believe that he has it all figured out and he needs no changes…although the evidence shows otherwise.

A huge part of this unwillingness by men to change their Beta-male habits, originates from the ego, pride and self-image.

To “change”, is a subtle confession that you were wrong.

No one likes to admit that he or she was wrong.

It takes a humble guy to shoot me an e-mail saying:

“Hey Kenny bro’: love your website and I’ve been learning a lot”.

Not every guy is wired that way where he’s able to subdue the ego and self-image in order to allow humility to shine even for a second.

Every guy who gets inducted into the art of seduction or at least skim the message, has got to possess some semblance of humility as a prerequisite, or willing to become a humble lad in order to make the process work.

Guys who fail to become good with women [via Pickup], are often times the ones who feel as though they’re above the process [pride and ego at play again]:

“I have it all figured out already”!

This is the reason why it’s so difficult for the average guy to comprehend and adhere to our proverbial curriculum of seduction:

1.) It stresses change and alteration in lifestyle.

2.) It requires that you keep the ego in check.

These 2 factors aren’t up for debate with most men.

Therefore, “Just be yourself” is a very ego-comforting quote that they can latch onto like a life-raft in turbulent waters.

Women Will Lie To You And Have Been Lying To You About “Yourself”

We men tend to get our dating-advice tidbits from 2 main sources:

Women and the media.

Taking dating, sex and relationship advice from women is akin to a pilot taking navigation lessons from Ray Charles. 😯

Women are absolutely the worst source by far, from which men should take advice on lifestyle, dating and relationship matters.

It’s not that women are incompetent at doing this. It’s merely because a woman will give advice from a female’s standpoint through an effeminate lens of a woman’s psyche.

Such advice as “Just be yourself” has been fostered and peddled by women over the decades.

Men on the other hand, for some crazy reason, not aware that women and men think differently, would instantly gobble up cliches advice from women as gospel and viable.

“I mean, who best to give advice on how to get laid, get a girlfriend and attract girls, than women themselves”?

“After all- they are women so they should know best in relation to what gets them going”.

This sounds good and very rational but it’s far from the reality of what works.

To be fair to women, they don’t actually know that they’re giving terrible advice and causing more harm than good whenever declaring to their male friends: “Just be yourself Tim! If she doesn’t like you then it wasn’t meant to be”.

Everyone wants to be a dating expert. And humans in general love to give advice as their opinions are valued and show them up as being “well-rounded and wise”.

Therefore, as a guy, whenever you seek dating advice from a girl, it isn’t likely that she’ll not share something with you.

She must give you something, right?

Usually, that “something” is some bullshit cliche or outdated advice like:

“Just be yourself”

“Women like nice guys”

“Take her on a lavish date if you want her to like you”

“Wait 4 dates before sex”

“Call her right away”

“Calling her every will show her how much you care and like her”

“Ask her out”

“Be a gentleman”

The list of hilarity can steamroll on for days…but I’ll stop there.

Such tidbits of tips look and sound nice: But they aren’t effective and would serve to turn the girl off opposed to attracting her.

Hence, you should never take dating, sex, courtship nor relationship advice from a woman.

She will almost always steer you down the wrong road…inadvertently so. But she means well…I think. 😉 😉

If “Just Be Yourself” Is Terrible Advice: What Works Then?

What works is exactly what most of us aren’t willing to do…and that is change.

For the record: you shouldn’t change just for women or just to placate any 1 chick.

Any guy or gal who advises you to cut your mullet or dreadlocks just to appeal to the girl down the bloc who digs men with short haircuts, should be fucking shamed into exile!

Changes should be made with a holistic approach and not for 1 individual…unless that’s yourself.

I’ve heard tons of stories over the years of men who purchased sports cars just to appeal to a certain girl who’s rumored to like guys with sports cars.

That is fucking despicable!!!

Such lifestyle change or alteration in going from a Toyota Carolla to something out of Fast & Furious, just to get some poon, will serve no purpose but to make you look like a try-hard tool in the end.

Now, had you done that for yourself: FINE!!!

Or even to become a rad guy who lives on the edge: FINE!!!

However, you don’t want to “change” in the sense of appealing to 1 chick, who after she gets to date you for a month, will be looking to upgrade to another guy…that’s after she’d realized you changed exclusively for her [women are very ungrateful to say the least].

Anyway, (lifestyle) change is the way to go but for the right reasons!

No more adherence to mental-masturbation quotes just to make yourself feel happy!

If you’re a fat-unhealthy guy living in the middle of nowhere, can’t get a decent date to save your life: then you need to change your routine PRONTO!

Just being yourself won’t make the goddamn grade buddy!

Sure a woman should love you for you, but you can’t expect to not bring a presentable package to the table and expect decent chicks to hop on your cock!

Even guys who have their shit together, like myself, still have to periodically implement changes and tweaks in order to remain a viable candidate on the dating and mating market. So what does that say for a severely-overweight slob who never graced the insides of a fitness gym before?

Plus I never said this shit would be easy!

Anywho, so if your idea of physical activity is walking up a flight of stairs at work or at home, then you really need to be smack with the force of a speeding train in hopes of waking you up. 😯

Guys tend to get the idea of physical activity misconstrued.

I’m not advising you to hit the gym in order to pack the muscles on or get ripped.

Having muscles don’t get you laid.

The reason why hitting the gym or hitting the road to exercise is so key, is that it gives you a sense of doing something and having a ritual and a purpose.

Staying at home pumping iron robs you of this sense of “I’m doing something”. So it’s worth it to go somewhere where others will see you, which will force you into your head and also motivate you at the same time to continue.

You don’t get this by exercising in seclusion in your mother’s basement.


Incorporating a fitness routine is a lifestyle change and habit that will serve to attract women and people in general into your life.

Even if you’re a 300 pound man: doesn’t fucking matter!

What matters to people is to see and know that you are doing something, motivated and on a mission with a purpose.

Passion is attractive to women!

Hence this video of mines which I’d posted not long ago.

The additional benefit of a fitness regimen is just to get you off the frikkin’ couch and out of the house!

Guys are programmed to want the lazy-man’s route into getting women into their bedrooms: lay there, do nothing and women will come.

Doesn’t work that way!

You have to get out and about!

In conjunction with a fitness regimen as a lifestyle change, should be auxiliary activities which entail getting out of the house once again.

This runs contrary to “being yourself” if you’re a guy who doesn’t get out much.

Having a social life is key to attracting women into your life.

By “social life”, I don’t mean social media as in cultivating a life around Facebook and Twitter and thinking that that’s “being social”.

A product of thinking that social media and online dating beat meeting women in the real world

A product of thinking that social media and online dating beat meeting women in the real world

Social media classifies as a lazy-man’s way to being social. Just as online dating is a way to try to minimize real-social interaction with women, hence turning men into antisocial androids or what I’d like to term: Big Pussies.

Therefore, if you don’t currently have a hobby which entails you getting off the couch and go be social: then find 1 now!

Go enlist in a Yoga class!

Go join a social group or club!

Go take some improv classes!

Make it a habit to go partying, clubbing and hit up some bars after work or on the weekends instead of continuing the self-torturing routine of work to home, work to home.

Break the cycle by making it work, bar, home, work, home bar, or bar, home work. Whichever order suits your schedule.

Going to the bar or going out on the weekends for a change, would mean a wardrobe upgrade or change.

If you aren’t trendy: get trendy!

It doesn’t exactly mean you should have to dress like everyone else. But if your idea of “dressed” is similar to that of the guys in the photo below: then you have some serious wardrobe troubleshooting to do…unless you live in Tennessee…which still might not cut it.

Guys with grand egos tend to shun the idea of having to work on themselves as far as fashion and style go.

A woman should accept them the way they are: sloppy, grungy and drab.

This would be fine in a perfect world but not in the 1 we live today.

As for personality, this is another aspect of “change and alteration” you’ll have to implement in order to become an attractive man.

It isn’t news flash that nice guys don’t get laid but for the pity-fuck or occasional “luck” factor (or hookers).

A nice guy being fed the usual bologna of “just be yourself”, after 40 years of just being himself, I think he would’ve had enough of the bull by now don’t you think?

I was once an ardent-nice guy [what an oxymoron] who’d wholeheartedly swallowed the “just be yourself” pill while simultaneously getting fist fucked by evil women who were also helping to cram more pills down my throat while saying:

“It’d all be ok. Women love nice guys. Just be yourself Kenny”!

The same women who were consoling me with the BS and telling me it’d all be ok, were the same ones to snub me cold-heartedly on prior occasions when I was totally “just being myself”. 😦

This picture was all fucked up to say the least [women going contrary to the advice they give men to follow].

I knew drastic measures had to be taken in order to get laid, get dates, get women into my life and to live a well-rounded life altogether.

Just being myself wasn’t cutting it.

Being a nice guy damn sure wasn’t cutting it neither.

This personal need for change and an urgent lifestyle and personality overhaul were what led me to the Pickup/Seduction community some years ago [by sheer chance of a Google search].

This is what the average guy just isn’t willing to do: a major overhauling of his life, lifestyle (or lack thereof) and personality.

It’s too much fucking work!

“Why change when I can remain the same, be who I am and just check out porn whenever I have the urge to get off”?

Along with drastic change comes an admission that you do need help.

Which guy is comfortable admitting that he needs help with women [putting pride in check]?

Not many of us.

The nice guy, which most of us are, is faced with this life-altering decision: either get an edge to his personality or remain a bland-boring dude who repels women.

It’s much easier to remain the same and not change a thing. It takes no effort to be static and stagnant, but it does require effort to get shit done!

Presuming you’re a nice guy reading this article right now: I’m talking to you!

Get a bit edgy!

You don’t have to become a total asshole to get laid [although that helps] but you should incorporate some elements of the badboy into your persona which will give you an edgy appeal in which women are inherently attracted to.

If you’re clean-shaven: grow some fucking scruff in order to look like a real man: an Alpha Male!

I said scruff now. Not Hippie. 🙂

Having some facial hair will give you that badboy’s edge (at least in the looks department). Conversely, having no facial hair will give you that effeminate-boyish look [now you go figure which is more appealing].

Perfect example of the scruffy look with a badboy edge

Perfect example of the scruffy look with a badboy edge

In accordance to the “new self” which you’ll be required to cultivate, is the acknowledgment that lifestyle change is a good thing.

You will have detractors from every direction trying to derail your progress:

“Nightclubs are for losers”

“Why don’t you shave”?

Listen not to such non-technical verbiage.

You’ve been listening to everyone over the years to no avail, so you can listen to me, a novel voice for a change, when I say that you suck, your life sucks and you being yourself sucks even more!

Being yourself will not cut it!

After all, if “just being yourself” was the answer to your women problems, then why the fuck are you single!?

Why are you married, bored and unhappy?

Why don’t you currently enjoy a steady rotation of at least 2 hot girls in whom you can fuck on a weekly basis?

If “just be yourself” worked, then why the fuck are you a 40 year-old chode loser, married to a woman whom you didn’t select nor wanted by the way, but was cajoled to peer up with as you didn’t have any alternatives or options in which to screen and chose from.

Most men under the age of 50 [80% of them I’d say] are with the women they’re with, not through natural and free selection but subtle coercion and compulsion.

This is the underlying theme of “settling”.

You settle for what you can get at the moment, even if that means a crappy non-sexual girlfriend who doesn’t nearly rev up your sexual engines…but at least it’s a girl…I guess. ❓

Nevertheless, when you begin to seriously implement and apply lifestyle changes, you’ll begin to attract more women than you know what to do with.

However, do not fool yourself into thinking that women will and should accept you the way you are and that it’s OK to be the way you are, even if the way you are is unhealthy, unsanitary and unappealing.

Remember- you’re not changing your lifestyle and sprucing up your personality in order to please women, neither solely to get laid.

You’re doing it for yourself firstly, then others will quite naturally gravitate to a new and radiant you.

If you’re an anti-social dweeb who does nothing but insulates himself into the world of video games all day: find something else to do! Get another hobby! Change that shit! It hasn’t been working for the past 15 years. It’s broken- so fix it!

With that, I leave you with the following video from RSD Owen and Brad Branson as they expound upon “lifestyle” upgrades in conjunction with becoming a more attractive and put-together guy.

Also, a nice-short video from RSD Julien on the topic of letting go of the ego and change!

To familiarize yourself with the seduction-community jargon, check out the acronym and term list: PUA acronym and term list.

3 thoughts on ““Just Be Yourself”: The Worst Piece Of Dating Advice Ever

Add yours

  1. You know girls don’t give that advice on purpose!
    There’s just a disconnect between what we think we’d like and what actually creates attraction.
    And I know it’s not your intention, but this post comes off as saying the guys have to be something they’re not. But by the pics, you’re meaning they can’t be a passive, lazy slob and expect women to fall out of the sky, or to have many options (which I agree with). Right?


    1. Well in a sense, if you’re not a social person, then I advise that you (the guy) should become something you’re not which is to be social. So I am advising that guys should be something they’re not. I came up as a very antisocial person. I mean I was the worst. That was me. So I had to become something I’m not. And it turned out for the best. Why not other men become what they’re not?


      1. I agree with what you’re saying about being social. The complaints I get from guys about ‘not being themselves’ I guess has to do with hobbies and interests, or that they all have to be GQ, and that idea shuts them down from wanting to meet women sometimes. I know that’s not what you were referring to, but you kept saying, ‘don’t be you’ and some guys may read something different into that/ That’s what I meant!


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