Eradicating “Fillers” To Become Better At Conversing

What are some common (verbal) fillers?

“Aaaam”

“You know what I’m saying”?

“You know what I mean”

“Anyway”

“So basically”

“Or whatever”

“You feel me”?

Imagine being at that coveted-job interview which you’ve been dying to get for years now.

Fillers will fucking kill you!

The quickest way to not get hired is to be brimming with nervous energy and filling every awkward moment with fillers.

Weird thing about fillers is that the speaker really doesn’t notice he or she is using them.

It’s so auto-piloted that we aren’t consciously aware while in the heat of conversation.

Thanks to fellow-PUA junior instructor, Enthalpy, the guy behind the Squattin’ Cassanova blog, he had actually called me out on my use of fillers which I was remotely aware of prior to being put on the spot.

Since then, I’d reduced my conversational fillers more than 60% to where I’m using 5 fillers per dialogue…which is very good.

Why do we even use fillers in the first place?

It’s pretty self-explanatory; fillers are used to fill gaps of impending silence.

What causes fillers?

Nervous energy and anxiety especially around people of perceived-higher value: an interviewer, a CEO, a president, doctors, judges, police officers, etc.

It stems from nervousness and awkward moments where you’re anxious.

We all use them!

Some of us use them after every statement:

For example, the guy who after every comment says, “You know what I’m saying”?

Not that he’s awaiting an answer, but he’s filling the gap and potential nervous silence by using fillers.

Seems innocent but it’s fucking annoying to the listener!

We can’t logically eradicate all fillers. After all, they can make conversation flow more smoothly [as long as used without nervousness].

The following common fillers are ok (sparingly):

“So…”

“However”

“Ok cool”

We can’t literally have a conversation without any fillers.

However, Fillers are bad when used awkwardly and with the wrong persons.

You don’t want to be in the company of dignitaries or a possible employer and your dialogue goes like this [awkward fillers are in red]:

“So I figure that I can help the company do better, you know? Aaaaaaam, I really like this company stands for, basically I’m the guy for the job. Aaand we can do a lot better with someone as driven as I am on the team. So anyway… my resume highlights all of that, you get what I’m saying?

As I said, fillers are unavoidable, but the more you cut down the usage of them, the better you’ll sound and come across to people.

Watch the following video to find out how I damn near eradicated nervous fillers from my conversations.

The Power Of Association; How To Really Network Your Way Through Life!

This is a lost art or 1 which has been cast aside by our generation.

“The Power Of Association”!

When it comes to lifestyle upgrades and flexing your association muscles; this wing of the pick-up community is seen as an advanced level of Game which newbies have a hard time executing.

Just 5 days ago, I was contacted by a female CEO of a huge firm with a job proposition for me here on island.

We set up a meeting at her plush office where we parlayed the finer points of the job offer: great wage, pays weekly, 5 days a week (weekends off), supervisory position, my own office [not a cube], given a grand tour, etc…

I’m sold!

The most striking quote from the meeting was when she said:

“We thought that you’d be the best guy for the new post”.

Personally, I don’t know why she’d thought that, but I wasn’t gonna frikkin’ argue here LOL!

Long story short: I accepted the new job and will commence tomorrow [Monday].

I will later share the juicy yet weird details of how this all materialized.

Working The Right People

I’m no condescending guy!

You can’t be truly social yet condescending in the same package [a huge oxymoron].

After all, my pseudonym “Social” Kenny didn’t arise out of snobbery.

I advocate “Talking to everyone”; little, big, small, pretty, ugly, important, insignificant, old, young, hot, bitchy, homeless, whatever!

So I’m definitely not advocating for any reader to insulate him or herself into a world where they only chat with people of importance and social value.

However, that is a key component to “working the man”.

As a Pick-Up Artist, we’re virtually grabbed by the nuts and forced to becoming social, to the point that we can approach the hottest girl @ the bar and blow her the fuck away…figuratively speaking!

This seemingly frightening ability is also transference to job searching, networking and business.

Making An Impact On The Right People [Association Skills]

One reason why it’s great to “talk to everyone”, is that you never know whom you’ll come across.

That tackily-dressed guy at the supermarket may just be most important guy you will have ever met.

That elderly-looking lady struggling with her grocery bags, whom you could’ve given a hand, might have been the president of a huge firm which is looking to fill some vacancies.

Boston man helps old lady cross the road

Boston man helps old lady cross the road

How about that guy you could’ve struck up a convo with while waiting on line for your cup of latte?

He could well be just another schmuck! Or maybe a promoter @ a high-end nightclub who could get you in for free every night if you desire.

What the hell am I getting at?

You never want to ruin your chances of advancement in life by sheer ignorance towards others.

You can shoot yourself in the fucking foot just by not saying hi to others.

Making an impact on (the right) people isn’t difficult.

Just be social!

Associating with the right people has a mystically contagious effect.

One day, you could be chatting with the owner of a restaurant franchise, small business owner, a real-state manager, then the ambassador to your country from China or Brazil, etc.

You’ll just be crossing path and (unknowingly) interacting with such characters as if there were a virtual chain linking you to them.

Such occurrences have happened to me many times over the years since assuming the Socialkenny persona.

How Kenny Rolls And Works The System

Wherever I roam, there are 2 striking-characteristical moxies which stick out like sore thumbs: an “Inviting Smile” and “Sociability”!

Most men go about their daily commutes with the following facial expressions: blank, screwed, cold, uninviting, tight puzzled and lost (looking downwards) as if the universe had fucked them over.

In spite of having a shitty-ass start to my mornings, perhaps I burned another tea pot (since I can’t boil water for shit), you will always see a pleasant look on my face as long as I come across others in public settings.

An old lady bogged down with her bags from the grocery store, I’d rarely ever pass her straight without offering her aid or a lift (if driving).

Even if she declines politely (which is rare), my gesture will still be appreciated.

Now, remember the weird situation at the top of this article which landed me the new job?

Here’s the correlation:

A week ago while running some errands in my neighborhood, I came across an elderly-looking lady who was struggling to carry a huge gallon bottle of water.

Everyone else (as expected) since they’re so stuck in their own trance-like states, just passed her straight.

Such blind ignorance towards others just pisses me off, so I said to the lady as we were going the same direction:

“Let me help you with that heavy bottle”.

I didn’t leave it up to debate. I insisted!

She wasn’t gonna decline, so I took the bottle and walked with her and struck up a chat.

At the end of the interaction as we reached her doorsteps, she asked for my name, offered me some cash (which I declined) and we went separate ways.

By the way, this sort of act isn’t done for ulterior-motives on my part.

Even if it is; so fucking what! But it wasn’t.

The power of impacting people and associating with (certain) people is tremendous!

Now, this same elderly lady whom I’d helped that day, turned out to be the CEO of the firm in which I’m now newly employed.

She remembered my name and kept an eye and ear out for me, found me by inquiring, contacted me and the rest is history.

This model, principle and quasi technique is the cornerstone to my upcoming e-book [a 7 step challenge], “7 Ways To Become Social (With Women)”.

7 ways to become social (with women); e-book by Socialkenny PUA

7 ways to become social (with women); e-book by Socialkenny PUA

I do these sorts of things on a daily basis over the past 4 years or so.

I never pass someone and just not say anything.

Guys who are totally fascinated and paralyzed by hot women, make the HUGE mistake of wanting to JUST talk to hot women instead of talking to everyone.

In essence, neglecting to flex their associating, social and networking muscles.

I can already hear guys going:

“But Kenny, isn’t that gonna make me look weird as a 20 year old guy walking and chatting with a 60 year old”?

“Wouldn’t that turn off potential hot girls by making me look like a sleaze-ball who fucks grannies for a living”!?

Get out of your fucking heads guys!

This is all a figment of your warped, socially shot imagination.

No one gives a shit who’s helping the old lady or who has a granny fetish.

Get over yourself!

Just do it!

How To Flex Your Association/Networking Muscles

As I said at the top: you never know whom you’re talking to- so just talk!

If you’re @ a coffee-shop, or let’s say @ a locale like downtown Manhattan where mobile-food vendors are virtually everywhere, instead of mutely waiting on a cup of Joe, strike up a quick chat with the dude standing beside you, or even the vendor or the cashier.

You don’t have to get into an hour-long chat about where you grew up.

Just say, “Hey dude, do they always take this long to serve coffee here”?

He answers, you reply, he replies, get your coffee and go.

If you discover that he’s a guy of some value to you; then feel free to swap #’s, e-mail or cards after the chat.

It’s not homo and it won’t be weird.

You’re not picking him up [assuming you’re straight]!

Also, instead of passing strangers left and right; do the following:

*Give a head nod

*Say hello or what’s up

*Raise your hand in acknowledgment of others (as if throwing up a peace sign)

*Greet people as if you know them

Just fucking say something or gesture something!

Associate yourself with people of perceived importance.

Be seen doing this!

If you’re constantly associating yourself with guys who don’t get laid who don’t have shit going on for them: guess what- you’ll begin to internalize this state of nothingness also.

People Of (Perceived) Importance

No 1 person has more human value or importance than another.

However, perceived-social value is as real as Big Foot!

Just kidding since that was the worst possible example!

My point is well take nevertheless.

The entrepreneur has more social value than the doorman at the Waldorf Astoria.

Don’t ignore the doorman neither just because he’s of less perceived-social value.

On a further note, the average person is scared shit of “The Man” and of people of importance.

We’d rather talk with the middleman than to face the head-honcho.

Not that the middleman or the taxi-driver is more approachable. But we feel as though they’re more on our level.

Well this is bullshit!

And for precautionary measures, don’t do these things with a gain in mind or they will backfire half of the time.

So if you’re chatting with Mark Zuckerberg at a seminar or public event, and your sole aim and angle is to “get a job”; your intentions will seep out which will send red flags of, “Alert, Alert! Another one of those disingenuous job-seekers who’s just being friendly to me to pop the big question. Run run run!!!

Therefore you never want to be talking to people of positions of power and high-social value with a “gain” at the forefront of the dialogue.

It’d turn them off big time!

Just being seen having a dialogue with people of influence is all you need to get by in this fucked-up world!

Don’t beg!

Just associate and socialize with everyone.

Talk to everyone without a tangible gain in mind.

Just as picking up hot women. As we teach in seduction, you don’t want to come off as though you’re angling for something: a #, conversation, sex…

Make it feel as though you’re chatting just for chatting sake ’cause you’re a socially interesting guy.

You’re helping just for helping sake.

The moment people smell “Angle” (ulterior-motives); you’re fucked!

This also ties into working a nightclub by associating with everyone in the venue.

One of those guys you will have chatted to just might be the promoter, owner, the owner’s son, the GM himself or the GM’s daughter…

You get the picture!

This concept and applying it has not only paid dividends for me in the job market, but in dating, pickup, sex, business, @ the bank, @ restaurants, bars and clubs.

Helping the right person and associating with the right people is transferable to almost any aspect of life.

Tomorrow, I’ll be embarking on another job adventure/opportunity which was presented to me by an elderly lady (a CEO) whom I’d helped carry a bottle of water a week ago.

Hence the power of networking and associating with the right people.

Your chances of lucking-up in anything in life is greatly increased with the more people you interact with, say hello to or give a helping-hand.

Landing that gig, job, girlfriend, dream house or fortunes, nowadays comes down to networking and who you know (associates).

Gone are the days where the best-written application, resume, cover letter and stellar portfolio meant that you were winning.

Learn to network the right way and associate with the right people and you’ll be getting ahead in life on little or nothing but a sociable persona.


Related content:

“Infiltrating Social Circles With Alex Kayza”

Check out this episode of the Pickup Podcast Show with AJ and Jordan Harbingers as they interview Alex Kyza, he runs a luxury concierge company out of England, which specializes in networking, working social circles and working your way up the proverbial-food chain in social situations and nightlife venues.

I learned a lot from this single episode years ago as to networking important people [whomever they may be to you].

Need tickets to the Oscars?

Kyza can hook you up by networking with the right people, and show you how to network yourself!

He isn’t a Pick-Up Artist at all, but his tactics and abilities in networking are totally and practically applicable to Game!

Download the 2 part episode in .mp3 format (for free)!

Download “Infiltrating social circles interview with Alex Kyza part 1”.

Download “Infiltrating social circles interview with Alex Kyza part 2.

Read This Before Traveling To The English-Speaking Caribbean Islands

Annual Caribbean Carnival festival held throughout all the islands

Annual Caribbean Carnival festival held throughout all the islands

Thinking about taking that vacation to the English-speaking Caribbean?

Perhaps a Winter getaway [since most travel to the islands during the colder months opposed to the Summer]?

Few pointers about idioms, dialect and colloquialisms of the Caribbean which will come in mighty handy.

Regular followers of this blog would’ve known that I’m based in the Caribbean islands during 3/4’s of the year. And that I’m actually from the islands [by birth], however immigrated with parents to the U.S. [NYC] at the age of 8.

While here on island though, I actually do some part-time work with the Foreign Affairs department, so I’m constantly interacting with tourists, transients, travelers and newly immigrated families.

Last week while running some day-game pickup, I was invited to have a beer with some Canadian fellas who just arrived that day.

One of them said to me:

“Hey Kenny, I went to the supermarket and asked for a certain item and I was given funny stares by the girls at the registers and the ones stacking the shelves. All I asked for was water man”!

I LOL’d then broke it down to him as to the (negative) connotations.

Thinking about it now, this article is definitely timely as I’ve been getting such inquiries over the past years whenever I’m back here on island.

Here are some terms which will aid you potential travelers in getting by a lot smoother than if you hadn’t known them.

Fore-note: The following terms are applicable in almost the entire English-speaking Caribbean: Jamaica, Antigua and Barbuda, Anguila, Grenada, The Grenadines, St. Kitts and Nevis, St. Vincent, St. Lucia [English-speaking part], English speaking part of Belize [although in Central America], Dominica, Montserrat, Trinidad and Tobago and Guyana [although in South America, Guyana is heavily influenced by Caribbean culture and lingo].

The islands which are somewhat exempt from this list are: Bahamas (Nassau), Bermuda, Barbados, Tortola, St. Thomas, Virgin Islands and St, Johns. However, with the influence of Reggae music from Jamaica over the decades, these terms are becoming commonplace even in those islands.

Bear in mind also: almost all of the following terms and words are apparently English, however they possess and connote totally different meanings as they would in Canada, The U.S. And the UK.

Let’s start off with something pretty benign and seemingly appropriate:

Water: It has a strong-sexual connotation and it references semen (sperm), or female ejaculate.

If a guy were to say to another guy, “I want some water”, he will immediately be chastised as a fag (presuming they’re heterosexual), or punched in the face!

Just as if you enter a grocery store and ask the female cashier if she has any water, she will give you a shocked and annoyed grimace as you’re essentially asking her if she has cum.

Damage-control solution: complete the sentence by asking, “You have any BOTTLE of water”. The simple addition of “bottle”, will negate the sexual connotation completely.

Wife: As innocent and common as this word may seem, it actually means or refers to PUSSY (Vagina).

The words Pussy and vagina are rarely ever used in the English-Caribbean (unless calling someone a pussy as in coward). Wife is the standard way of referring to vagina.

Example, a guy would say, “She gave me the wife last night”, opposed to pussy or vagina.

Likewise, if walking around as a tourist and you loudly talk about “Wife”, the locals will immediately translate that to mean pussy, thus you’ll be looked at as a vulgar bastard!

Solution: Use spouse or partner instead, or perhaps, “This is the girl I’d married”, opposed to saying, “This is a picture of my wife”.

Also, as a man, to say that you have a wife would mean that you have a vagina which would mean you’re a fucking pussy or tranny.

Bud/ Buddy: Typically, a bud would mean a rose bud of some sort, while Buddy would be a pal. However, in the English-speaking Caribbean it means COCK as in Penis:

Dick is totally not used in the Caribbean. You’d hear cock sparingly, but cock generally refers to a rooster more often than to a dick.

You will hear: “Suck my bud”! But never “suck my dick”!

Want to say, “I have a nice dick”, in the islands, they’d say: “I have a nice buddy” or “nice bud”.

Seed: Balls, cojones, testicles.

Seed is a very vulgar word and term as it means testicles (balls).

If you are in need or seeds, make sure that you explicitly make it clear which kind of seeds you’re looking for: sunflower seeds, etc. But to blankly say seed or ask for seed will be misinterpreted as balls (testicles).

Partner: This is the word used for friend or buddy (pal).

The word Friend is used 20% of the times (to refer to a friend). However; “Partner” is more standard and used.

Quart: Quarter, 25 cents.

A quarter or 25 cents in reference to money is never used. Quart or a quart or 4 quartz [a dollar] are used instead.

Drinking or Beverage: Drinks, juices, etc.

Drink or drinks is rarely used to mean something to drink.

Drinking or Beverage are exclusively used and more common. Sodas, bottled juices and even beers would be referred to as “Drinking” or “Beverage”.

Example, “Do you have any Drinking”, instead of “Do you have any drinks”?

Yam or Nyam: Don’t ask me the origin of this word, but legends have it that it’s an African-tribal word which was passed down: meaning “to Eat”.

Eat is used often also, but half of the times, you’d hear people say “Yam” or “Nyam”.

Example: “I’m hungry. I want something to yam right about now”.

Bubbie: Tits or breasts.

Reminds me of boobs and boobies.

Anyway, this word is almost exclusively used in day to day convo, while breast is politically correct and used with elderly folks [just as the word Usted in Spanish instead of tu].

Just as in America you’d never hear a young person say breasts.

In this part of the Caribbean, you’d never hear a young person say breasts neither, but “Bubbie” [unless addressing an elderly person].

Mama and Papa: These do not refer to parents; mother and father, but to grandparents.

Parents are mommy and daddy, but grandparents are strictly mama and papa.

So as a tourist, if you were to say, “I’m his papa”, it’d be interpreted as grandfather instead of dad.

Mate or Maty: This term derived from “Mate” of course, however Mate or Maty means a chick you’re fucking on the side.

So if you were to say to a local, “This is my mate”, you’re essentially saying, “This’ the girl I’m cheating with or having an affair with on the side”.

Brits visiting the islands should avoid using this word totally to avoid gross misinterpretation.

Love instead of Like

The word LIKE is never used (in the sense of the verb). It’s always substituted with LOVE.

However, the comparative preposition “Like” is used: “She looks like her mother”.

You cannot say to a girl, “I like you”. She’ll be offended. I learned this the hard way when I told a girl I like her LOL!

Even if you only like the girl because you just met her yesterday, you cannot use LIKE to express that liking. You must use LOVE. Love is also used in every scenario where you’d use Like [except as a preposition comparative].

Bottom or Batty: Pronounced bat-tee. Meaning ass, butt, buttox.

“Batty” is more used than “Bottom”. Butt however is absolutely NEVER used.

For example: “she got a nice batty” instead of saying “she got a nice butt”.

Ass is used about 20% of the time.

Cook Shop: Restaurant.

Both words are used, but “Cook Shop” is more common.

Shop: Store.

Store is never used. Shop is always used instead, as in: “He went to the “Shop”.

Supermarkets, grocery stores, etc. are called “Shops”.

Bull: Anal sex.

Bull is a very very vulgar word. It’s used as a verb (to bull) and noun (anal sex).

Asking a guy if he bulls is basically asking him if he engages in anal sex (giving or receiving).

So if you’re thinking about riding a bull or buying a redbull, make sure that you be as specific and enunciated as possible.

You don’t want your male taxi-driver on island to get it misconstrued.

Pump: This definitely doesn’t mean a gas pump but to masturbate.

Masturbate, fap, jerking off, wacking off are never used.

Pump is used instead exclusively.

In order to avoid ambiguity or misinterpretation: complete your sentences!

Instead of blankly asking for a pump, it’d be more appropriate to construct a full sentence like, “Do you have a pump so I can put some air in my bike tires”?

Hard-up: Horny and sexually excited.

In spite of the word “Hard”, which usually relates to a man’s cock, the adjective “Hard-up”, also refers to a girl who’s sexually aroused.

Horny isn’t used at all but it’s definitely intelligible and understood.

Trousers: Pants.

Pants is used also, but you’ll hear trousers more frequently.

Cutlass: Machete.

The word machete is never used, and it might not even be understood since it is absolutely never used.

The under 30 crowd may not know what a machete is. Just as a young Canadian or American wouldn’t know what a “Cutlass” is.

Poop: In American lingo, this usually means defecating, to take a shit, etc.

However, in the Caribbean it strictly means to fart (pass gas).

So if you were to say to a local at a resort or anywhere on island, “my son wants to poop”, it’d be interpreted to mean “my son wants to fart”.

To communicate “poo, poop or to take a shit”, use “Poopoo”.

Poopoo is exclusively used to mean defecating or taking a shit, while “Poop” is exclusively used to mean farting or passing gas.

Pickney: Baby (as in infant).

The word baby is used a lot also. It’s a 50-50 split between baby and Pickney when it comes to usage, but it’s very common to hear Pickney used instead of baby…especially in songs [Reggae, Calypso, Dancehall]

Safe: As in out of harm’s way, however it’s used to mean “Good”, nice or OK.

If someone asks you, “How was your night”? Nine out of 10 times, the response will be “Safe” instead of good or ok.

Lyrics: In other English-speaking countries, this would mean song lyrics. In the Caribbean, it means “Sweet-talking” or “Compliments” or chatting up someone.

So a girl would say to a guy, “You’re full of lyrics”. Basically, “you’re full of sweet-talk”.

Tall!: This is used as an interjection opposed to someone’s height. Its equivalent is “Hell No”!

If someone asks you if you like to eat fish, and you’re totally allergic to it, you can say “Tall” instead of hell no!

Hell no isn’t used, but it is understood.


The thing that’s interesting about dialects and colloquialisms is that the same word can mean something totally different in other regions where the same language is spoken. Or words which aren’t used here but used there.

Like in England, they use bloke, mate, bubbly, whilst, all words which aren’t used in America.

Just as in the Caribbean, the following words are used often, although they aren’t used (much) in Canada and America:

Obstinate, nincompoop, hardened (for stubborn), verandah (porch), gallery (porch), latrine (toilet), front-room (living room), meager, belch (burp), numbskull, ,constable (cop), pupil instead of students, just to name a few.

Another interesting point about the spoken-English dialect in the English-speaking Caribbean: pluralization is never used.

Everything is singular!

Pluralization is only implied.

So you’d never hear someone say cars, bottles, houses, schools, men, women, knives, hats…

The s’ and eses are totally dropped.

What they do do instead, is add the objective-personal pronoun “Them”.

For example, cars would be “the car and them”.

Girls would become “girl and them”, etc.

Pluralization with s and es is totally not used [they’re dropped] except in writing.

Just as in any other English-speaking country, written English is always standard and correctly written and taught. However spoken English isn’t spoken as we write: for instance slang terms aren’t written but spoken.

English dialect of the Caribbean is the same: written and taught in a standard manner, but spoken differently with different connotations and insinuations.

So on your next cruise to the islands, you won’t feel completely like a fish out of water once you get abreast with some of the terms I cited in this article.

By the way, some terms and words may vary depended on the island.

Ciao!

Related post:

Antigua and Barbuda: sweet black pussy haven for tourists by Socialkenny.

Socialkenny all-white party for New Years Fail!

“Conquering the language barrier; around the world in 80 girls” by Neil Skywalker.

Pickup Podcast Interview With Matthew Hussey: “Learning Confidnece”

Matthew Hussey

Matthew Hussey

The flu has me paralyzed right now, so I’m not in the condition to write an extended article.

Anyway, this is good interview with the guys of The Art Of Charm and Matthew Hussey, a dating coach, life coach and PUA coach out of London.

Matt however now coaches women in the art of getting the guy, thus the tagline of his blog: Get the guy.co.uk.

You can check one such articles written by Bossy Moksie: Why a new guy loses interest”.

Overall, MH talks about “Building Natural Confidence” and true confidence so you won’t have to fake it to make it.

Download the episode directly at the following link (in mp3 format): Matt Hussey interview.

Up ↑