Did I over state the importance of this article by saying “Best Piece Of Advice Ever?
This article is absolutely the best piece of advice a man will have ever gotten when it comes to relationship.
This is make it or break it type of shit!
First off: no one (man or woman) gets into an LTR (Long-Term Relationship) with prior knowledge that it would have come about (a relationship).
Most relationships [I’d say a whopping 90% of them] were born by chance, and it happened suddenly: you wake up one day and realize that you have a certain connection with this other person, thus the relationship is hatched unexpectedly.
No one plans relationships.
They just happen (mainly with the woman putting psychological pressure on the guy to commit…but that’s another story).
Let’s look at the way we normally get into relationships and speak on that for a second (as mentioned above).
The probable setbacks of “just getting into a relationship spontaneously” are quite obvious:
•You didn’t plan for it.
•You don’t know much about the other.
•She may turn out to be a psycho-bitch.
•You probably weren’t ready, so it’s not working out.
The list of cons and setbacks are numerous as it pertains to “falling into a relationship” unexpectedly (as 90% of us do).
I came to the conclusion of 90% by surveying 50 guys in my Facebook-friend list, and 90 % of the 50 guys attest to getting into relationships unexpectedly (it just happened to them in other words).
With that said, for the guys reading this who are currently single and will eventually get into an LTR at some point: Please turn off the porn and listen the fuck up!!!
Never allow yourself to just fall into an LTR again! And never allow a girl to cajole you or force you into an LTR neither (as is the case more than 75% of times).
What you want to do instead is: Define the LTR early!!!
Yep! This is the elusive-grand secret I’ve been holding out on.
Early as possible, ensure that you (as the guy) set the boundaries, presidents and expectations for the pending relationship right from the get-go!
Example: once you notice that you’re now in a relationship, you know the scenario where the girl phones you and say, “Ummmm, what are we? Are we single or together”?
Every guy who’s ever been in an LTR is personally familiar with the scenario where the girl wants to know where she stands: is she your girl or just an on-going fling?
At that moment, if you as the guy is truly up for having a GF; then feel free to say, “Well, we’re together I guess”.
Subsequently, that should be the moment where you DEFINE YOUR RELATIONSHIP!
The problem most guys face when it comes to newly-hatched relationships is that they don’t lay out their cards on the table.
They ride the LTR wave onwards and nonchalantly go with the flow.
When it comes to relationships, going with the flow is the biggest mistake a guy can make. In that case, you’ll be going with the flow that the girlfriend sets [remember; relationships are a woman’s domain].
So you wanna say to her at this crucial juncture [doesn’t have to be verbatim, but among these lines]:
“Before we get any deeper into our new relationship, I have some things I need to lay out there first”:
•Under no circumstance will I tolerate unwarranted bouts of jealousy.
•As you know, I’m a party guy and I will want to continue my partying. I don’t feel that a relationship should deprive me of having fun.
•I’m a flirt as you know, so there will come instances where I may flirt with other women without it going further. I don’t believe flirting with girls should be an issue.
•I’m not ready for a committed monogamous relationship right now, for the fact that there are other girls I’m dating as you know. So an open relationship (or MLTR) would be ideal. Are you cool with that type of relationship for right now?
Guys, you get the drift.
It’s sort of like a verbal prenup. Let’s call it a pre-relationship agreement (verbal).
You’re basically letting her know earliest possible what you’ll stand for, accept, not accept, and expect, etc.
This should be common sense lol! But how many of us men do this at all in a relationship?
5% globally perhaps LOL?
Also, another crucial mistake guys make is to try doing this 6 months down the line in the LTR when the girl would have already been set into her pattern.
6 months is way too late!
3 weeks is way too late!
I made this mistake too!
I’ve been with my current MILF GF for over 3 years now. I didn’t follow any of the advice which I’m now sharing with y’all (plus I didn’t hatch this method then).
After rationalizing this concept, I tried incorporating some new ideas into the LTR, and my GF wasn’t having any of it!
It was way too fucking late (2 years in) for me to try switch things up when the pattern was already set and she had been the one to define the LTR.
However, with much trail, error and fighting with her, I’d managed to sit her down and lay out a new foundation for the relationship and what it will be like.
The average guy on the other hand who lacks balls and is clinging to his girlfriend like a vice-grip, he won’t be able to turn the tides like I did, thus his relationship will crumble or he’ll be forced to have to live by her ground rules in the LTR.
So you wanna define things early as possible.
You cannot be 5 months into the LTR then decide that you wanna change things up and revert back to your party lifestyle.
You will have had to tell her at the inception that partying will continue to be a part of your lifestyle, however on a lesser scale. So whenever you do decide to go out alone clubbing (5 months down the line, etc.), she cannot really bitch.
This is what she signed up for.
The reason she won’t bitch, and can’t bitch, is as I’d stated earlier : you laid out your cards, she accepted the virtual conditions to the relationship.
She signed up for it despite knowing that you’re a flirt, potential cheater, party-animal, Alpha-Male, etc.
She will have to swallow her tongue whenever she sees you in compromising situations like dancing with a hotter girl or flirting with the HB10-Bartender.
This hearkens me back to my current relationship of 3 years.
Guys and girls e-mail me all the time saying:
“Hey Kenny PUA, I love your blog bro’, but don’t you think you should refrain from posting certain things that your girl may possibly see and you get in trouble”?
“Hey Kenny PUA, ever thought about blogging anonymously instead since you have a GF”?
“You’re a dirty slutty bastard womanizer”!
What these readers fail to understand is exactly the mindset/frame I laid out in this article, which is the reason I never hide my PUA ways from my GF, nor do I hide my blog from her.
My GF knows that I’m a Pick-Up Artist.
I met her while running game at a grocery store (she was the cashier). I used PUA tactics on her over 3 years ago, and I told her that I was using routines [other guys seem startled when I tell them that I’m open about what I do].
The average guy now would seek to hide the fact that he’s a PUA or player. When he does get caught; he can’t explain, so he’s now branded a liar and misleading.
I, Socialkenny PUA, never mislead girls, nor do I mislead my girlfriend. And I never withheld the fact that I’m a PUA from any girl EVER!
My GF knows of my lifestyle, she knows what I write about, she knows that I meet with other women, she knows that I may fuck up periodically and bang an occasional-stray cat.
She knows all these things because I fucking tell her!!!
I define to her what my ideal relationship is.
She can either accept it, or move on [Alpha-Male mindset].
Fortunate for me: she accepts the potential bad with the good.
If I were a Beta-Male pussy, she would have laughed at my proposals, smacked me then dumped me.
However, she instinctively knew that I was the rare and elusive Alpha-Male every girl secretly desires, so she lives by my relationship conditions (mutual); not hers (exclusively).
95% of men in the western world live by the conditions that the girlfriend sets or expects.
Moreover, 95% of men in the western world live by conditions that women set [legally, socially, religiously, morally…]
While in regions like the Middle East, Asia, Eastern Europe, etc. : the men set the agenda for the relationships.
Western men lack balls and have been castrated and neutered by the wicked-feminism movement, while in the Eastern hemisphere, Alpha-Males/real men are rampant.
You couldn’t spot an Alpha-Male in NYC even if you had a high-tech gadget specifically manufactured to detect Alphas.
Anyway, so whenever I post articles of me on dates with other women, or post field reports with pics of me dancing with random girls; it’s without hesitation!
It’s without fear of word getting back to my girlfriend.
She reads my blog LOL! Periodically, she’d draw my attention to something on my blog (an anomaly, badly positioned photo, spelling errors, etc.).
Never has she phoned me and say, “Who’s that bitch you went out with!? I’m gonna kill you you fucking cheating dog”!
Sure we fuss, fight and argue (that’s normal), but it’s never over my lifestyle as a PUA and PUA coach.
She more bitches over random shit like:
“Kenny, why did you eat the last slice of cake? You need to start saving money instead of spending wild. Babes stop walking on the rug with your dirty shoes”!
So I don’t hide shit from my GF. And that reality for me was made possible by the simple fact that I’d defined the type of relationship I wanted from what I didn’t [although I was 2 years late in doing so].
Had I not done that, I would’ve been dumped a long time ago solely because of my blog content alone.
By the way, this is customary for 95% of PUA bloggers (universally) who may be in relationships; they don’t hide what they do from their girlfriends and spouses [except these dudes who are scared shit to post about dating multiple women: Manosphere Gamers afraid to reveal themselves].
Anyway, guys who are currently at this crossroad (about to be hitched and get into an LTR), or will get into an LTR in the future, follow the easy simple steps I laid out in this article [defining the type of relationship you want, don’t want from the get-go].
It’s just that fucking simple!
Those men who are already deep into their LTR’s (let’s say 4 months and more), and are desiring to “roll like Kenny” and have a change, there’s still hope (as was for me). But your Inner Game will have to be rock-solid first.
For example: let’s say that you’re 2 years into your LTR, you’d given up clubbing, but now regrets it and would like to start clubbing again just for fun sake.
Your GF will not be cozy with that idea. A million questions will have arisen as to why?
If you persist with insisting, and since she’s the 1 (presumably) with the most leverage in the LTR, she will call for a break or fucking dump you!
How dare you suggest going clubbing alone when you’re the underling/Beta of the relationship!!?
Now, if your inner game was strong or of decent capacity, you would accept that she dumped you and you would move on nonchalantly as possible, opposed to begging her to take you back [poor inner game].
If all goes according to plan, the fact that you’d gracefully accepted being dumped, will have fucked with her mind (her inner game), which would compel her to run back to you under your terms this time (since you’d demonstrated that you’re an Alpha who didn’t cry because she left).
Now when she crawls back to your doorstep (figuratively), the ball will be in your court. You set the new agenda, which is, “I will be clubbing from now on”. And she will have no choice but to accept it or move on (which she tried doing but didn’t work out).
The reason for me writing this article in the first place was from an observation last night.
Those following me on Twitter would’ve known that last night (as every other Friday nights), I was doing my things @ a bar/nightclub; gaming and tweeting like a maniac!
An associate of mines spotted me and said to me:
“Damn man! My fucking GF keeps calling me wondering where I’m at”!
Me: “She doesn’t know you’re at the club”?
Associate: “Nah! I lied and told her I…”.
Point is, he’s faced with having to sneak out and lie to his GF about going to the club (apparently she doesn’t approve, and she was the one who set the LTR’s standards).
I on the other hand, do NOT hide nor have to hide it from my GF that I went clubbing. Nor do I have to inform her of it (although I do @ times in the name of transparency). Read the post where I’d met up with my GF’s freaky niece by chance at the bar.
When you set the agenda and terms of your LTR; you do whatever the hell you want!
And if you don’t set it, she gets to set it exclusively by virtue of default (since relationships/monogamy are a woman’s domain).
She doesn’t have to say to you at the inception, “I expect this, that, I stand for this, that…”. As long as you as the guy doesn’t define what you want, she will automatically do it for you, and it won’t be to the guy’s liking.
Relevant articles from around the seduction community:
*Truth about why Inner Game is so important by Shae Matthews of Inner-Game Mastery.
*Inner game breakdown by Pick-Up Artist Central.
*The Inner Game PUA expert concentrate by The Pick-Up Wingman.
*Inner Game Fridays: a lesson on inner game by Neverender and Love System’s Braddock.
*Dating multiple women(MLTR) by Savoy.
*Long Distance Relationships by PUA for LTR.
Or go to the post: Vote your favorite PUA coach 2012