Disclaimer: This post maybe deemed offensive, inappropriate and down-right wrong to the faint-of-heart. Read at your own discretion.
[BTW, this’ written in the third and first persons.]
1. I’ve caught 3 STD’s in my entire life: 2 of which I had to get surgery for because of a worm-looking organism growing out of my urinal track which prohibited me from peeing straight. The surgeon told me that the chic I’d stuck my dick into had to have been a wanton whore [which confirms my theory that women are the ones who give STD’s to men and not the other way around].
2. Dread using condoms like a fat kid hates vegetables. I’ve only used a condom once in the past 6 years, and couple that with the fact that I cannot count how many chics I’d banged in the past 6 years [I guess this makes sense of the first fact].
3. Thirty-year old Aquarian (born in February).
4. Had my first official girlfriend at the age of 17 (Diana).
5. Hates the fuck out of skinny girls, and gets a vomiting sensation whenever I can visibly see a girl’s rib cage. Girls with 6-Pac abs are nasty and sick-looking.
6. Was a strict vegetarian from the age of 17 to 21. But now thinks that Vegans are sick-fucking deluded hypocrites who believe that they’ll live longer than carnivores.
7. Generally fluctuates between atheism and the belief that there is a higher power.
8. Hates religion with a fervent passion (namely Christianity). However, all religions are bullshit which only divides people.
9. Haven’t stepped foot in a church since 1991 until 2012 (my beloved grandpa’s funeral, which I was literally forced to attend). I’m just not the funeral and church type.
10. Played with a vagina for the first time at the age of 8, and totally didn’t know what it was nor its function.
11. Got my virginity taken by banging my younger cousin [yes incest]. But as pre-pubescence teens; what the fuck do we know about incest!!?
12. I remember my first kiss like it was yesterday: a girl named Shevon, who lived in my building, grabbed me and kissed me…at the age of 9.
13. Got expelled from Morris high school in the Bronx (back in 1999 as a junior), for taking a knife to school, which was caught by the newly installed metal-detectors.
14. Has been a Crip gang member since the age of 15 around the year 1996…and is still a Crip to this day, however not focused on gang rhetoric nor it’s politics.
15. As a Crip, it’s no secret that my favorite color is BLUE!!
16. I don’t smoke, and have never smoked a day in my life. I believe that smokers are peer-pressured fuckers who lack self-discipline (which is the reason they’re still smoking by the way).
17. Has 2 kids: a 3 year old son and a 9 month old daughter.
18. Has been in an LTR (relationship) with a now 41 year-old hot MILF for the past 3 years and change (which happens to be my BABY-MAMA).
19. Has a weird fetish for MILF’s and Cougars ever since a teenage boy.
20. Was very anti-social during school. So much so, that I never received a passing grade for gym class in my entire life (too anti-social to play sports at school).
21. Organized and co-hosted a successful stand-up poetry show at a night club between 2003-2004. This was essentially the transformation of Kenny; from an anti-social introvert to a social-friggin’ machine! This venture led to the shedding of my social anxiety. I was hosting and performing in front of 200 people every Thursday nights virtually.
22. Only listens Rap and R&B of the 1990’s (can’t stand these Neyos and Chris Browns), loves old-time Jazz with a passion (Miles Davis, John Coltrane, Stan Ghetz, Ella Fitzgerald), and loves Electronic music to death: Trance, Techno, Euro-Dance, Garage, Electronica, House…).
23. Scared to fucking death of heights!
24. Little brother and I twice ran up our mother’s phone bill in the thousands (MCI), back when I was 12, from calling phone-sex lines. We would dial random #’s : 1800-big-cunt, and were actually able to fool the operators into believing we were over 21, thus billing the charges to the home phone.
25. Hates dogs with a passion and thinks that they’re the nastiest creatures alive. But love cats do death (virtually owns 6)!
26. Have had 3 different websites over the past 5 years, all of which flopped and tossed into the dustbin of history (Alpha tips, Alpha nightz.com and …can’t remember the 3rd.).
27. Is a conspiracy theorist who believes that America is a wicked empire which will be destroyed one day soon for all it’s wrongs. Also believes that 9/11 was an inside job orchestrated by the US government in order to gain global support to invade the Middle East.
28. Highly turned off by the idea of a 3-some (banging 2 girls at the same time).
29. Ate pussy for the first time at the ripe-innocent age of 12, and thought that it was a cool thing for guys to do…until I told my buddies and they shamed the shit out of me for weeks.
30. First learned about porn after snooping around my mom’s room as a kid, and found a VHS cassette, popped it in and HOLY SHIT I was hooked yet weirded out at the same time.
31. Walked in on my mother having sex (I must have been around 10), and shouted to her: “I hate you”! Which led to me getting an ass-whipping afterwards!!!
32. Remembers the name of the 1st. girl who ever gave me a blowjob; Latoya, back in 1999.
33. Cannot ejaculate at all from getting a blowjob. Never have [it makes me envious that other guys can achieve this high state of sexual consciousness LOL]!!!
34. Must drink at least 2 bottles of soda per day. If there’s a hidden weakness to my diet; that is a weakness for soda of any flavor.
35. Never gotten drunk before- not even close to inebriated. I have an intense fear of being drunk. That fear has always kept my ass well in check to only drinking 2 beers or 2 cocktails maximum when partying.
36. Cannot watch a horror flick if it meant saving my life. Paranormal Activity (the movie series), scares the shit out of me…and I’m just talking about the commercial!!!
37. Haven’t cried nor shed a tear in almost 15 years, but Titanic reruns come the closest to making that happen.
38. Never owned a car in my life.
39. Worked at a sand-mining company for 6 years, where I drove Mack trucks, transporting freshly mined sand from point A to B.
40. I’m the biggest MTV’s Jersey Shore fanatic! Never missed an episode yet in its entire existence. I even called in sick for 2 days just to watch a Jersey Shore marathon a few years ago.
41. Have 7 piercings and plan on getting 2 more real soon.
42. Women, religion and global politics are my favorite topics to chat or argue about.
43. I watch MSNBC political programs from Monday-Friday between 6-11 pm for the past 4 years.
44. My life-long dream since a child was to become a commercial-airline pilot [doesn’t seem plausible since I’m scared of heights].
45. Thinks Democracy/Capitalism is 1 of the worst form of governments, and all Christians should be communists since Jesus was an ardent Communist who preached that every man should have everything in common and be equals.
46. Fascinated by controversial figures in history: Hitler, Osama Bin Laden, Geronimo the Apache Indian chief, Elijah Muhammad, Fidel Castro,etc.
47. I live life on the edge, a rebel who loves to defy the norm and authority [the Aquarian nature]. This innate-rebellious nature has been the greatest asset to my attractive qualities since becoming a Pick-Up Artist [women love badboys…at least the hot women do]!!!
48. In 2008, I laid more than 40 different women.
49. I started getting laid consistently over the past 5 years.
50. Too controversial to say.