What are some common (verbal) fillers?
“You know what I’m saying”?
“You know what I mean”
“You feel me”?
Imagine being at that coveted-job interview which you’ve been dying to get for years now.
Fillers will fucking kill you!
The quickest way to not get hired is to be brimming with nervous energy and filling every awkward moment with fillers.
Weird thing about fillers is that the speaker really doesn’t notice he or she is using them.
It’s so auto-piloted that we aren’t consciously aware while in the heat of conversation.
Thanks to fellow-PUA junior instructor, Enthalpy, the guy behind the Squattin’ Cassanova blog, he had actually called me out on my use of fillers which I was remotely aware of prior to being put on the spot.
Since then, I’d reduced my conversational fillers more than 60% to where I’m using 5 fillers per dialogue…which is very good.
Why do we even use fillers in the first place?
It’s pretty self-explanatory; fillers are used to fill gaps of impending silence.
What causes fillers?
Nervous energy and anxiety especially around people of perceived-higher value: an interviewer, a CEO, a president, doctors, judges, police officers, etc.
It stems from nervousness and awkward moments where you’re anxious.
We all use them!
Some of us use them after every statement:
For example, the guy who after every comment says, “You know what I’m saying”?
Not that he’s awaiting an answer, but he’s filling the gap and potential nervous silence by using fillers.
Seems innocent but it’s fucking annoying to the listener!
We can’t logically eradicate all fillers. After all, they can make conversation flow more smoothly [as long as used without nervousness].
The following common fillers are ok (sparingly):
We can’t literally have a conversation without any fillers.
However, Fillers are bad when used awkwardly and with the wrong persons.
You don’t want to be in the company of dignitaries or a possible employer and your dialogue goes like this [awkward fillers are in red]:
“So I figure that I can help the company do better, you know? Aaaaaaam, I really like this company stands for, basically I’m the guy for the job. Aaand we can do a lot better with someone as driven as I am on the team. So anyway… my resume highlights all of that, you get what I’m saying?
As I said, fillers are unavoidable, but the more you cut down the usage of them, the better you’ll sound and come across to people.
Watch the following video to find out how I damn near eradicated nervous fillers from my conversations.