Yesterday, I was watching an episode of MTV’s Catfish.
Those who are not au-fait with the show, it’s based on virtual couples who fall in love and get into online relationships with others they haven’t met…without actually seeing each other [years on end].
The common theme which plays out is that 1 person had set up a fake dating profile (or Facebook profile) in order to lead the other person on [by posting photos of someone else or assuming someone else's identity].
In the most recent episode I’d watched, a guy who calls himself Scorpio, had set up a fake-online profile which he used photos of a male-stripper in order to appear more attractive to unsuspecting women [in this case, a girl named Trina].
In reality, Scorpio isn’t a male-stripper, doesn’t have a 6-pac, and looks totally different than the guy in his online photos.
Now the girl whom he’d Catfished [tricked into believing he was a male-stripper with solid abs], finally met him face to face and was presented with a chubby guy with a pot-belly who couldn’t remotely become a male-stripper even if he puts his life on it.
Pretty deceptive, but that isn’t my issue here.
Few things from an observational mind [my mind]:
1.) Why should a man believe that he has to lie about his physical appearance to get laid or get a girlfriend?
2.) Why is dating so polarizing in America where if you don’t have a 6-pac, you’re essentially undateable?
Now, I’m not chastising women for wanting fit guys who sport wash-board abs [like what I have].
Perhaps the American media is to be blamed for this shallow outlook on dating and mating.
Is the rest of the western world this shallow?
I find myself liking to make comparisons between regions and nations, so here we go with another comparative reality-check:
In the Caribbean, South America (bar Brazil), Mexico and Central America, the average guy who’s tapping the most ass and getting the most dates are guys with beer-bellies, fat, chubby and out-of shape.
Also the scrawny guys get laid just as much.
Men with solid 6-pac abs and ripped bodies are not getting laid in those regions of the world [not even in the U.S.].
Women of those regions do not put much value on a man’s physique as they do in America.
Therefore, the suicide rate driven by anti-socialization among (young) males is drastically low to non-existent in those regions.
Many suicides and attempted suicide cases by young men in America, is perpetrated by chubby guys who were ostracized by women their entire lives.
Since being big isn’t seen as a social handicap in other regions, guys on the bigger side are generally more sociable, accepted and sought-after.
They aren’t pressured into buffing up and hitting the gym killing themselves in order to get a Mike The Situation body nor to lose 50 lbs.
Guys aren’t pressured into having to create fake-online profiles in order to mask their true identity to attract unsuspecting women.
The average guy who gets laid in South American countries and the wider Caribbean are chubby dudes or scrawny guys with chests as flat as an ironing board!
For the guys out there reading this going, “Kenny you’re just full of shit because you’re some fat out-of-shape guy who’s trying to justify being a fat slob”!
As you can see from this other recent photo of me; I’m very much in shape and I’m ripped on my best days.
So I’m not a fat-insecure guy who’s fed up of not getting dates and shunned.
In spite of having a chiseled-athletic body; it isn’t what gets me laid.
Having a great body yet lacking confidence in your social skills will always sink you.
Having a hot body doesn’t mean you’ll be getting laid (based on that alone).
A chubby guy with decent amounts of skills in social dynamics who knows how to be confident will always beat out the shallow-jacked Guido who relies on looks and his body to attract women.
This also correlates with an article I wrote a while back: “Ugly men get laid more than hot ones”.
Good-looking men generally do NOT get laid [that is- what society deems as good-looking].
These Adonis-looking guys with chiseled bodies are generally very insecure and vain when it comes to appearance. And they cannot hold a decent conversation for shit!
Just like the super model; those girls are the most insecure set of women on the face of the Earth, although they have the most desirable bodies.
So good looks rarely ever translate to a good character and a good person.
Just as the ripped guy; he can at times attract women by sheer physique, but he’s shallow as ever and usually turns off women during the 1st. minute of convo.
Opposed to the overweight fat guy, the perceived-ugly guy and the scrawny guy; they might not have desirable bodies, but a huge number of those guys are hella fucking confident, which is why they get laid more and have more success in dating than the jacked guy.
And I’m not sure if it’s even the media’s fault, because in all of those regions (where fat men are king of poon), they’re still bombarded with infomercials to get ripped, or Americanized TV shows which demonize fat men as undateable.
So the American media realistically isn’t to be blamed.
Perhaps the blame lies squarely on American women who are too shallow-minded in dating, that they’d reject a guy solely because he doesn’t have a jacked male-stripper body.
In the Caribbean and the other regions mentioned, chubby guy on the left would get laid more than ripped guy on the right:
This phenomenon had puzzled the shit out of me for years throughout my travels in Latin America, Puerto Rico and the entire western hemisphere.
In the grand scheme of things, guys who are struggling in the American-dating scene because of weight issues should:
•focus on the bigger things, which are self-confidence in your body and comfort in your present skin.
•Accept yourself and your body for what it is.
•Build an (attractive) social life.
The worst possible thing you can do is to deceive others by creating fake-online profiles, portraying yourself to be a physically fit guy when you’re not.
Also, there’s no need to scurry on down to the gym to try transforming your physique from a Rick Ross’ to a Taylor Lautner’s just to appease shallow women…unless you’re personally desirous to get in better shape.
You can sport the sexiest-male body, but if the mind isn’t in the right place; you’ll still fail with women.
Just walk into a nightclub and scope it out; the men who are getting the most action aren’t good-looking (by society’s standards) nor are they ripped.
They are chubbies with beer-bellies and skinny guys with skeletal physiques.
Conversely, you will be at a disadvantage online however, since most girls look @ a guy’s photo first to then decide if she’ll interact with him.
But forget about online dating. That shit is for pussies and men who are scared to interact mano-a-mano, vis-a-vis with hot girls.
So if you’re overweight, fat or on the chubby side, and are having difficulties competing in the American-dating scene; just focus on building body language, Alpha-male posture, being confident and improving your conversational skills.
Then you’ll be surprised to see that the otherwise shallow chick at the bar is rapping with you instead of a guy with my body LOL!
Oh yea; Fuck the marketers who want to get rich off of you by promising that if you purchase their products, you’ll lose a zillion lbs. in the first few hours!
Even if it does work; you’ll still be that insecure-fat guy on the inside who believes that looks is the magic bullet to bang-ville.
Lastly, take a page out of my cousin’s book.
With his consent, I’m posting the following pictures of him below.
My cousin’s an NYC DJ since the age of 16.
He’s well renown in the Reggae and Hip-Hop circles throughout New York City.
As you can see from the picture; he’s huge in stature and body!
But he’s even more fucking HUGE in confidence like no other guy I’ve ever known!
Throughout his bachelor years as a DJ, he was getting laid more than any other guy around.
This dude has been banging chicks of every nationality since the 80′s!
I recall numerous times when I was like 8 years old [in 1989], he would bring chicks back to the apartment [I was staying with his parents then], and while banging them, he would coerce me to fondle their tits and ass LOL!
He actually aided me in getting my virginity taken many many years later.
Was it the fact that he’s a DJ that made him so confident and got bitches left to right?
He’s just naturally confident and doesn’t see his size as a handicap.
Being a DJ did flip the attraction switch for him and made him more desirable, but it was ultimately his positive vibe, energy and humor which got him laid like a Rockstar.
To this day, he’d joke with me that “women love fat men to cuddle with like teddy bears”.
He really fucking believed this!
This belief system of his [that he was the most desirable guy around despite his size], made him appear more attractive to women (on a subconscious level).
This is what we call “Rock-Solid Inner Game” in pickup!
His humor, laughter and energy are contagious as fuck!
So that’s why I’m encouraging every big guy out there to work on:
And you’ll be amazed at how much ass you’ll be tapping into, while the buff, ripped guy with the male-stripper body is left to go home alone masturbating.
And this hearkens back to a saying of mines: “Self-confidence beats the shit out of good looks any day of the week”!
Work on your inner-game [confidence, humor...] first, and outer-game [body] last!