Questions from Seun:
“Hey I’m seun anyway I’ve been reading your blog and I was looking for some advice. Anyway I’m a college freshman who’s never really had much of a social life. Never had many friends never dated or had sex with any girls I’ve up to this point lived a very boring life anyway going to college I expected things to get better and while I have a few friends that I talk to I still don’t go to parties and I still struggle to talk to girls. I plan on joining a frat in the spring to socialize more but I’m really scared that the entire process will go horribly wrong. I want to go to parties before that but I’ve never been invited by so called friends who go out every weekend and have lied to me about were they’ve been going the few times that I’ve asked to go with them. I’m tired of being a loser I want to party I want to have fun I want to meet and sleep with hot girls but I don’t know how I would go about changing my image. I don’t care what it takes I’m just tired of being a loser who spends every weekend playing video games…”.
Thanks for the e-mail Seun.
I’d already replied to Seun personally, but I’m also posting it on the blog so as to reach as many guys as possible who may be facing the same issues.
My reply to Seun:
“These are some things you can do or will have to do eventually to change that image.
1. Since your friends don’t want you going out with them; then go out solo. Go out alone! Friends will actually hamper your progress anyway.
2. Dress better (if that’s a prob with you right now). Give some edge to yourself by adopting a sort of bad boy look.
Those 2 things you can change instantly.
You cannot be scared to go out alone”.
Seun’s dilemma is nothing strange.
In fact, it’s typical for most men to struggle with having a social life and having a sex life and women from which to chose. So seun and guys like him shouldn’t feel as though they’re in the minority and happened to have been dealt the shitty end of the stick.
I’d been there!
Back in high school in The Bronx, I was totally an anti-social pussy.
Only had 1 friend; and he was also anti-social and introverted.
I used to envy the jocks and the guys on the high-school varsity teams who had all the girls flocking around them.
This 1 girl named Lawanda, I had a major crush on her during my 4 years of high school. She never knew, nor would she had cared since I was so socially suppressed.
I was so awkward and shy during school, that I never laid a girl from high school during my entire 4 years at Morris High.
Fast forward many years later, thanks to the pick-up community, I’m now the most social guy in the room.
I’m now the guy with the most balls, most confidence, most cockiness in any venue. The guy who gets more pussy than a tampon.
Some encouraging words to Seun (the e-mailer who inspired this article): it can and will get better just as it did for me.
It will seem awkward and pointless at first (learning social dynamics), you will get rejected way more than ever (seems counter-intuitive).
But you will see the light where everything starts to open like a matrix, and you’ll be able to attract more ass than you know what to do with it.
Few tips for starters (for guys like Seun who struggles with having a social life and are seeking change):
#1.) If your sense of style is boring, lame and out-dated, you will need to get current and start to slowly peacock (as we say in pickup).
•Peacocking is a PUA concept where the guy would dress edgier and put some coolness and originality to his style.
•I peacock by wearing multi-colored shoe laces in the sneakers. Random girls are always commenting on my shoes since they look so original and attractive [as we'd say: chick crack].
•You can also peacock by wearing cool shades, shirts with printed statements on them like, “I’m taken”, or “I love sex”.
•Have a lame hairstyle? Get a new one!
•Have no piercings in your ears? Get some!
•No tattoos? Stop being a pussy and get 1 or 2!
•Give yourself some bad boy edge!
Overall, get your style and sense of fashion in order as the first step towards a lifestyle changing.
It’d be difficult for people to wanna associate with a guy who has no style and dresses poorly.
#2.) If you’re coming into a new social group, new friends, joining a college fraternity, etc; be social!
•Don’t come off as a lame or try hard. Just strike a good balance between being reserved and chatty.
•Over time, you’ll be comfortable enough to act a fool and be seen as 1 of the Alpha’s among the pack.
•However, you have to open your mouth and not be seen as the quietest, most boring guy among the bunch.
#3.) Get off the couch, put down the XBox and go meet people at random!
•You can’t shut yourself off from the real world and expect to be a social guy (if you weren’t already).
•Meeting girls on the internet should be your last resort, while actually meeting people at work, while commuting should be the first.
#4.) Enroll in a fitness gym or start working out at home.
•The guy that I’m currently envisioning who has the peacock thing going on with the spiked hair and fitness is Ryan Matsuflex from the VH1 reality show Tool Academy.
Not saying you have to get buffed. But get toned in the arms, shoulders and abdominals.
Now, am I saying that a guy should change his image in order to appeal to chics?
There seem to be a prevailing argument in the romcom-dating world that a guy shouldn’t alter or change his image in order to appeal to women. And that it’s wrong for a guy to change his personality and style to make it in dating.
This is utter nonsense!
A guy should alter his persona, personality, style, fashion, self, speech, etc. in order to make himself more attractive and fun to be around.
I’m not saying you should build an artificial persona and come off as fake.
Rather to become comfortable with the new you, and the added features.
However, if you’re looking like this guy below; there’s absolutely zero fucking chance that you’ll be getting steady action.
Changing your image/avatar is the first line of offense in attracting girls (since it’s the first thing people see; your outward appearance).
This isn’t being something you’re not. It’s getting up to speed with the times.
To add some edge to your style, check out my boy Tanner over at: Masculine Style.
Also, check out Vince Lin aka Alpha Wolf over at Seducing with style.
Or go to the post: Vote your favorite PUA coach 2012